Once Upon Another Time
by lonely jester
Summary: A bunch of really short stories to pass the time, mostly involving ShizNat. AU.
1. Chapter 1: Rodeo Drive

_My attempt to study for finals was a fail, so I wrote this (which hopefully won't be as big as a fail as my inclination to study). Yes, the idea for a series of Mai-Hime oneshots is entirely my own…no, just kidding...Okay then…off you go._

_**Warning:** A.U, come and read this!..haha, bad pun on my part. Anyways, this includes topics of utter randomness, OOC-ness, AU-ness, etc., etc. It will (hopefully) expand to include a multitude of pairings, so these oneshots will have whatever floats everyone's boat! Yay. (Unless you're asexual, which is fine.)  
**Disclaimer: **Eh, not mine, but I'm not too choked up about that. It'd be a hassle for me to own the show, since I'd have to draw and stuff, which I'm too lazy to do._

* * *

_1. Rodeo Rider [ShizNat]_

The cheers of the crowd outside were deafening. Natsuki huffed and adjusted her worn cowboy hat to cover her eyes. Her turn was coming up soon, and she wanted finish her short nap beforehand, goddamnit!

She heard the tent flaps open. Her ears perked up at a familiar drawl. "Wake up Natsuki, you're up soon."

Natsuki adjusted the brim of her hat to peer at the intruder. "That was fast. Who just went?"

Mai sniggered. "That rookie, Takeda. He wasn't even in the arena for two seconds before the bull threw him off."

"Haha, no kidding? He'd be better off as a rodeo clown, if he likes being chased by bulls so much."

Mai nodded. "Yep, that's what Midori thought too. She's putting him under Nao's tutelage for the next rodeo."

"Ooh, that spider's gonna have him by the balls."

"I know, I can't wait to see it."

Natsuki sat up and pulled on her cowboy boots. "Well, let's get going then."

Strapping on her pistol holsters, Natsuki stepped out into the bright sunshine. The dust of the arena hung thickly in the air, and the cheers and groans of the crowd assaulted her eardrums.

The excited voice of the announcer resounded through the air. "Oh, look at that skill! This is Chrysant's first time in the arena, ladies and gentlemen, and yet she is holding onto that bull like no other!"

Amidst the cheers, Mai pointed towards where a redheaded woman was standing. "There's where you need to go. Good luck Natsuki!"

Natsuki yawned in response and loped on over to the pens. The redhead looked up at Natsuki's presence. "Well, if it isn't Coyote Ugly."

Natsuki growled. "Shut up, Nao. I told you not to call me that!"

Nao laughed. "What, you like being called 'Sticky Fingers' better?"

"No, coming from you, that sounds almost like an obscenity."

"Hey, I don't come up with the nicknames, Kruger. Blame the announcer!"

Natsuki glared. "No, he calls me 'The Lone Ranger'; you're the one who comes up with these ridiculous terms! What's Sticky Fingers supposed to refer to anyways, the fact that I can stay in the saddle for more than eight seconds?"

Nao cackled. "Actually, 'Sticky Fingers' is what the second-to-last girl you bedded called you. I overheard her bragging about it to her friends."

Natsuki's face immediately flushed redder than Nao's hair. "J-J-just keep your mouth shut, Nao, before I shut it for you!"

"Whatever you say, '_Sticky Fingers_'."

The timely arrival of another person stopped what would undoubtedly have been another fistfight between Nao and Natsuki. "Hey Natsuki, I have the roster. You're next in the lineup."

Natsuki took the list. "Thanks, Chie. Which bull is mine?"

Chie winced. "Uh…you have 'El Diablo' in enclosure 9."

"...WHAAT?"

Chie looked immediately contrite. "Looks like The Lone Ranger finally ran into some bad luck."

Nao cackled. "Hey Kruger, can I have all your stuff when El Diablo gores you to death?"

"Screw you, spider."

Chie tried to console Natsuki. "You can handle that…monstrosity, Natsuki. You've been the best bull rider in the league for the past two years!"

"Yeah, but I never had to ride the devil himself. El Diablo is notorious for putting fifteen riders out of commission. FIFTEEN!"

Nao scoffed. "Don't worry, Kruger, I'm your rodeo clown. I'll be there to distract it after you bite the dust."

Natsuki sighed and adjusted her hat. "Alright, but if you let me die, I'm gonna be really pissed."

The announcer's voice rang through the arena. "And next up is THE ONE, THE ONLY…NATSUKI KRUGERRR!" The noise from the crowd suddenly doubled in intensity.

Natsuki made her way to enclosure 9, and gulped as she regarded the behemoth before her. It was nearly triple her size! The enormous bull turned its head and glared at her with one eye. Natsuki shrugged and adjusted her chaps. _Might as well get this over with._

Scrambling onto the fence, Natsuki vaulted onto the bull's back and wound the rope around her right hand several times. The bull snorted threateningly.

Natsuki was vaguely aware of the announcer going on about her many accomplishments in the arena, but it died down to a low buzz in her ears. She was only aware of the tight grip she had on the rope, which was the only thing connecting her to the bull's back, and the tangible anger of the animal underneath her. Taking in a deep breath, Natsuki adjusted her hat and gave a nod. The gate swung open.

Natsuki gritted her teeth as the world shook around her; El Diablo truly lived up to his name. She desperately counted the seconds in her head. One, two, three, fou—wait, why did the rope around her hand seem so loose?

Natsuki glanced down at her right hand. Her eyes widened in horror. The rope that was attached to the bull was frayed, and it was unraveling before her very eyes. _Hoshit._

With one last buck, El Diablo managed to throw Natsuki off. People in the arena's bleachers screamed as Natsuki landed with a spectacular _crunch_, right in front of the bull.

Natsuki grabbed her left arm in pain and sat up with a groan. What she saw made her want to lay back down and pretend all was right in the world, since that was better than looking at a very angry bull that was about to charge her head-on.

Nao was panicking. She was doing everything in her power to distract the bull, from catcalls to waving a flag to pelting it with pebbles, and it still wouldn't take its attention off of Natsuki. "And Kruger! That idiot, why the hell is she just lying there? Dammit, RUN, NATSUKI, RUN!"

Natsuki jolted out of her reverie. _Oh, I really should_. Natsuki scrambled to her feet. El Diablo decided that this was the perfect time to charge.

Natsuki quickly picked up her hat and jammed it on her head. No matter what, she would not leave behind the last gift she had received from her father. _Time to get outta here. Why isn't that spider doing her job?_

Meanwhile, the announcer was whipping the crowd into a frenzy. He wailed, "IS THIS THE END OF THE LONE RANGER?", as nearly all the women (and half the men) in the crowd began to sob.

Natsuki wanted to take her pistols out and shoot the announcer, but decided to do it later, as there was 1,600-pound bull chasing her. "Nao, do your job and get me out of this mess!"

Nao let out a piercing whistle and turned the bull's attention towards herself. "C'mon you walking steak, come at me!" The bull willingly obliged, and Natsuki let out a sigh of relief. Nao vaulted over the fence just as El Diablo crashed into where she had been standing. Natsuki was halfway over the fence on the other side of the arena, when a gust of wind blew her hat off her head…and placed it in the middle of the arena.

Natsuki jerked her head around in surprise. "You have _got_ to be kidding me." She jumped off and ran for her hat.

The announcer was nearly having a seizure. "WHAT BRAVERY! THE LONE RANGER ISN'T AFRAID TO FACE THE DEVIL HIMSELF TO GET HER HAT BACK!"

Natsuki barked, "Shut up!" And immediately regretted it when El Diablo turned around at her shout. _Me and my big mouth._

The bull rushed at her. Natsuki scooped up her hat and jumped aside just in time, as El Diablo's horns swiped at the area where she had been standing just half-a-second ago. The bull snorted and swiped his horns again, forcing Natsuki to fall onto her back in order to prevent her stomach from being slashed. _I like my intestines right where they are, thank you very much._

Natsuki raised her upper body and looked into the gleaming, maddened eyes of the bull. _This is it! Goodbye, cruel world; at least I got my hat!_ Natsuki squeezed her eyes shut and jammed her hat onto her head in what would be her final earthly act.

A light weight encircled Natsuki's upper body. _Are these angel arms waiting to carry me away? _

Close enough. Natsuki let out a shout as she was suddenly dragged backwards with extreme force. Her eyes opened in shock. She was being dragged across the arena floor, away from the bull, by someone's lasso_._ Natsuki thanked her lucky stars that her chaps covered her derriere, since Nao would never let her live it down if she had friction burns on her ass.

Whoever had lassoed Natsuki reined in their horse a good distance away from El Diablo, who was being surrounded and tranquilized by at least ten other cowboys. Natsuki skidded to a stop and let her back fall to the ground with a _thump_, giddy with relief. _Yay, I lived! With my hat, too!_

The jangle of spurs caught her attention, and Natsuki rolled her eyes so that she could see her savior, albeit upside-down. Her eyes traveled up a pair of worn, beige cowboy boots and an equally worn pair of jeans. She couldn't see past the lavender flannel shirt her savior was wearing, due to the sun that was shining in her eyes, but it was obviously a woman.

Her rescuer finally squatted next to Natsuki's head, and Natsuki's eyes connected with a pair of shockingly red ones. Honey-brown hair tickled the side of Natsuki's face as the person lowered her face to hover about a foot away from Natsuki's face. Natsuki was nearly blinded by the whiteness of the other person's smile. "Ara, I hope I did not hurt the famed 'Lone Ranger' too much?"

Natsuki blinked at the sight of the legendary rider famed for her skill with a rope, the crowd-proclaimed "rodeo princess", the first and only rodeo rider ever to come in first in both a "Most Daring Rodeo Rider" contest and a "Miss America" contest, the one and only…Shizuru Viola.

* * *

_My first one-shot's about a rodeo, 'cause we all know how every red-blooded, patriotic American citizen loves a good rodeo show._  
_…No, just kidding, I'm from New York. The closest I've been to a rodeo is the Rodeo Bar on E 27th street. However, I did get the inspiration from seeing the American version of Mai-Hime and nearly dying of laughter at Shizuru's southern accent. (It would've been cuter if she sounded more like a gentile Southern belle, but they made her sound like a pig farmer's wife or something, no offense to you pig farmers out there.) _

_'Til next time, then. _


	2. Chapter 2: The Great Natsuki

_A very, very bad version of The Great Gatsby...in fact, it's almost a crime how bad this story is. Ah well, I don't feel like fixing it, so..._

_**Warning:**_ _Girl/girl pairing.  
__**Disclaimer: **Eh, not mine, but I'm not too choked up about that. It'd be a hassle for me to own the show, since I'd have to draw and stuff, which I'm too lazy to do._

* * *

Natsuki took in a deep breath. The love of her life was just in the other room, and here she was, hiding out in some kitchen! What was she doing here?

Nao entered the kitchen and looked at her with annoyance. "What are you doing, Kruger? I didn't invite Shizuru over just for the pleasure of her company, you know, it was for you!"

Natsuki flecked imaginary dust off her jacket and put on her hat. "I changed my mind, old sport. I'm leaving."

Nao grabbed Natsuki's arm. "She's just past that door! You are not leaving!"

"Watch me!"

A small scuffle ensued, until a surprised voice interrupted the two women. "Nao, what's going—Natsuki?"

Nao and Natsuki froze. The door to the kitchen was open, revealing a stunning beauty. Her honey-brown hair was tucked neatly behind her ears, and her wide red eyes were trained on Natsuki. Natsuki immediately disengaged from Nao and straightened her rumpled clothes. She gave the woman an awkward smile. "Hello, Shizuru. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Shizuru Marguerite, nee Fujino, could only speechlessly gaze at Natsuki. Natsuki shuffled uncomfortably on her feet, and after a few minutes of silence, could stand it no longer. "I live next door to Nao. Would you—do you want to see my mansion?"

Shizuru nodded. Natsuki abruptly spun on her heel and left through the back door.

As the trio traversed over Nao's lawn to Natsuki's mansion, Nao sidled up to Natsuki. "Smooth, Kruger."

"Shut up! Who invited you along?"

The two continued to bicker, even as Shizuru stared in awe at the interior of Natsuki's mansion. Natsuki turned away from Nao and gently grasped Shizuru's elbow. "Come on, I'll give you a tour."

Shizuru complied, even resting her hand on Natsuki's forearm as they walked throughout the mansion. She would periodically give a soft gasp of awe when she saw a particularly lavish decoration or an impressively constructed room. Natsuki's grip only tightened at these little outbursts.

At Natsuki's bedroom, Shizuru took in the large closet and went over to admire Natsuki's clothes. Seeing a large chest, Shizuru peeked inside and smiled amusedly at Natsuki. "Ara, I see Natsuki still has her lingerie collection."

At this, Natsuki fiercely blushed while Nao cackled with laughter. Shizuru continued to run her hands over the clothes. "Such…nice shirts. I've never seen such nice shirts before." She began to sob.

Natsuki and Nao exchanged bewildered looks. Nao shrugged at Natsuki and motioned for her to go to Shizuru. Natsuki knelt down next to Shizuru and encircled her in a hug; Shizuru, in turn, leaned back into Natsuki's arms and continued to sob.

-000-000-000-

Shizuru briskly walked down the front steps of Natsuki's mansion, where a car was waiting for her. She turned at the bottom to look at Natsuki and Nao. "Natsuki must come over for dinner sometime. Same goes to Nao."

Nao frowned. "What about Tomoe, Shizuru? Your wife?" She gave Shizuru a pointed look.

Natsuki looked physically pained, and Shizuru's smile faltered. "Ara, Natsuki hasn't met Tomoe yet, has she? Come over tomorrow then. I'll be expecting you both!" She turned away and gracefully slid into the car, waving goodbye as the car drove off.

Natsuki turned to Nao with a determined expression on her face. "Tell me about this Tomoe. How can I get Shizuru back from her?"

Nao snorted. "Easily. Tomoe's a creep."

Natsuki looked relieved. "Oh, okay—"

"But-they-have-a-kid-together-okay-bye!" Nao sped off in the direction of her own home.

Natsuki blinked. "…WHAT?"

* * *

A yellow Roadster pulled up in front of the large mansion. Natsuki looked at the residence with a critical eye; it was undoubtedly impressive, but hers was better.

Nao unbuckled her seatbelt and glanced at Natsuki. "You okay?"

Natsuki tried to swallow, but her mouth was too dry. "Yeah."

Nao studied Natsuki. "You don't have to do this, you know. You're worth the whole damn bunch put together."

"I'm doing this to get Shizuru. Isn't she worth it?"

Nao reluctantly hummed. "Well, I guess she isn't too bad for a rich person. Still, Tomoe's pretty influential. She's got some strong connections."

Natsuki smirked. "So do I. You've met Yamada."

"That spook who rigged the World Series? Well, you've got a point there," Nao conceded. "Alright, let's get this show started."

The butler escorted both women into the sitting room, where Shizuru and a green-haired woman were waiting. The green-haired woman was dismissively thumbing through a book, but Shizuru was cooing at a small toddler in her lap. Natsuki's heart stopped at the image of a motherly Shizuru.

The green-haired woman looked up and exchanged a nod with Nao before focusing her attention on Natsuki. "You must be Kruger. So, I get to see your face at last!" She stuck out a hand and waited arrogantly for Natsuki to take it.

Natsuki looked at her with barely concealed distaste. "You must be Tomoe. I've heard much about you." She took Tomoe's hand for a brief second before dropping it.

Shizuru smiled broadly at Natsuki, albeit a little guiltily. "Natsuki! This is my daughter, Saeko."

Natsuki knelt before the little girl. "Hello." She politely held out a hand. "My name is Natsuki. It's a pleasure to meet such a pretty girl like yourself."

Saeko looked at Natsuki with a smile and blush before turning away to bury her face into Shizuru's shirt. Natsuki and Shizuru both chuckled. "Ara, I see Natsuki is still the charmer."

Natsuki managed to refrain from blushing. "She seems like a good kid."

Tomoe scoffed. "She's too shy! She definitely doesn't take after me." Tomoe shot Shizuru an annoyed look, like it was Shizuru's fault.

Natsuki stood up and glared at Tomoe. "Well, maybe that's a good thing."

Nao nervously looked between the two figures locked in a heated staring contest. "Ahaha—perhaps we should get to dinner? I'm rather hungry."

Tomoe was the first to look away and grunted. "Best idea I've heard all evening, Nao. By the way, let me tell you about this book I just read—its ideas are revolutionary! The author states that…" Tomoe guided Nao out of the room. Natsuki ignored the pleading look Nao shot her and grasped Shizuru's arm as she stood up. "We need to talk."

Shizuru sighed and handed Alyssa to a maid. "No, we don't."

Natsuki steered Shizuru onto the balcony and closed the door, giving them some privacy. "Yes, we do!" The moonlight shone down on the yard, illuminating the beach located only a couple hundred feet away.

Natsuki grabbed Shizuru's arms and looked at her desperately. "We loved each other, once. I still do, Shizuru! Come with me!"

Shizuru looked away. "I can't, Natsuki. I'm married now."

Natsuki scoffed. "You can't possibly want to be with that jerk!"

Shizuru looked at her with a fire burning in her eyes. "So what if I do! You're the one who left in the first place, may I remind you!"

"I left because I didn't have anything to offer you at that time! Your father would've laughed and slammed the door in my face if I asked him for your hand then!"

Shizuru shook her head sadly. "I wouldn't have cared, Natsuki. Back then, I would have run away with you if you asked. Things are different now, though; we've changed too much."

Natsuki's voice took on a pleading tone. "Please, Shizuru, I'm begging you! We can start over, you, me, and Saeko. Say you will."

Shizuru looked torn. "…I can't, Natsuki, I just can't."

A tear dropped down Natsuki's face. "…Okay. Tell me you don't love me anymore, and I'll stop. I'll go back to being your neighbor across the bay, casual acquaintances who only meet for dinner."

Shizuru's mouth opened, but she hesitated. "…I can't say that, Natsuki, because then I'd be lying."

Natsuki's face brightened with hope. She leaned forward, taking Shizuru's face in her hands. Natsuki hesitated an inch away from Shizuru's lips, but this time, it was Shizuru who leaned forward to connect their lips.

* * *

"Hold it right there." Natsuki looked incredulously at the girl that was snuggled next to her on the couch. "I don't think that's how _The Great Gatsby_ goes, Shizuru."

The brunette tapped Natsuki on the nose. "Ara, who was it that didn't read the book for class and asked her generous girlfriend for the synopsis of the story?"

Natsuki scowled. "Me, but still! I know for a fact that this is not how the story goes! And what's with the cheesy dialogue? It sounds like it came straight from 'Gone With the Wind.'"

Shizuru pouted. "Ikezu! I make time in my very busy university student schedule to help out Natsuki, and this is the thanks I get?"

Natsuki sighed in annoyance. "I think I was better off without your help. I don't even know how you made up that version anyways."

Shizuru grinned at Natsuki. "Easy. I modeled it after us! I will get together with my Natsuki time and time again in every story."

Natsuki flushed, but gave her a small smile. "Baka…I'm glad you think that way."

"Ara, does that mean Natsuki wants us to have a real-life Saeko?"

"Wha—I mean—NO!"

Shizuru laughed and pecked her flustered girlfriend on the lips.

* * *

_Questions? Comments? Click on that lil' link below_


	3. Chapter 3: Thieves and Liars

_Notes:  
__3 million yen = roughly 35,000 US dollars  
__85 million yen = a little over 1 million US dollars_

_The title sucks, I know, but it's all my tired brain could think of. Besides, hasn't your mama ever told you to not judge a book by its cover! (in this case, a story by its title.)  
__**Warning:**_ _Several F-bombs scattered throughout!  
__**Disclaimer: **Eh, not mine, but I'm not too choked up about that. It'd be a hassle for me to own the show, since drawing ain't my strong suit._

* * *

"_And in other news, the Kyoto Ninja has struck again! The Morita household was robbed today by a masked figure, who made off with approximately 3 million yen in cash and jewelry. The Kyoto Ninja, as dubbed by the media, is responsible for the past year's string of house robberies in Kyoto. The Kyoto's police force are baffled as to how this brazen thief is able to remain unseen by any eyewitnesses—"_

Natsuki turned the television off with a snicker. She was clad only in a t-shirt and panties, toweling her hair dry after her short shower. The navy-haired girl walked into the cramped living room of her small apartment. Things were strewn all over the place, but green eyes were focused only on a small black duffel bag in the middle of the floor.

Natsuki picked up the bag and dumped out its contents on a coffee table. Jewelry and wads of cash notes scattered on the table. She picked up an especially large diamond ring and inspected it with glee. _This'll sell for at least half a million yen._

A pounding on the door caused the girl to stiffen in alarm. She reached for the pistol taped to the underside of the table and called out, "Who is it?"

A muffled response came through the door. "Open the goddamn door, mutt."

Natsuki sighed in relief and walked to the front door. She opened it a crack to glare at a familiar redhead. "Yuuki, what the hell do you want?"

Nao forced the door open wider to let herself in. "I came for my money. Nice outfit by the way."

Natsuki reached in a jar to pull out a stack of bills. She handed them to Nao with a glare. "Shut up. I deserve to relax after the Morita job. They had a fucking guard dog! That wasn't in your information, spider!"

"Whoops. Must've slipped my mind." Nao quickly counted through the stack of bills before waving them angrily in Natsuki's face. "This is less than what we agreed on! You trying to rip me off, mutt?"

Natsuki roughly grabbed Nao's wrist and shoved her hand away. "I decided it'd be more fair if we split it 70/30. I do all the work, after all."

Nao sneered. "Yeah, but if it weren't for my information, you'd be rotting in jail by now. If anything, I should get 70%."

Natsuki scowled. "60/40."

"50/50. Or I stop giving you information and you go into the next job blind."

Natsuki scowled. "Fine." She grabbed a few more bills and thrust them at Nao.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Shut up before I change my mind." Natsuki stalked into the living room to assess her most recent ill-gotten gains. Nao trailed right behind and whistled when she saw pile of jewelry.

"That's a good haul, Kuga. Makes me wonder why you still live in this shithole." Nao gave the messy room, with its peeling wallpaper and dirty carpet, a contemptuous glance.

Natsuki plopped down ungracefully on the floor and continued to sort through the jewelry. "_Because_, dumbass, it would be a bit suspicious if a nineteen-year old high school dropout suddenly had enough money to buy a luxurious apartment."

Nao lazily shrugged. "Family inheritance?"

Natsuki snorted. "Dad's still in jail and I have no idea where my mom is. That would work out _real_ well."

Nao yawned. "Not like I care. Anyways, I scoped out another job for you." Her lips curled deviously. "It may be your biggest hit yet."

Natsuki paused at Nao's smug tone and shot her a suspicious glance. "How big?"

"Let's say…85 million yen?"

Natsuki's jaw dropped. "You're joking."

"I kid you not." Nao tossed a thin folder in Natsuki's lap. "Shizuru Fujino, youngest child of Kenjiro and Sakura Fujino, owners of Fujino Corporation. She goes to Kyoto University but lives in a house given to her by mommy and daddy. Alone. Which means that when her pretty little head is off studying, said house remains empty…" Nao waggled her eyebrows.

Natsuki stared at Nao in awe. "Nao—you're fucking amazing."

Nao smirked and waved a hand. "I know. Remember, 50% cut." She sauntered out of the apartment, leaving Natsuki to consider what riches she might gain from robbing this Shizuru Fujino.

_-000-000-_

Natsuki studied the house from the bus station across the street, dressed like a schoolgirl to blend in. She had scoped out the house for roughly two weeks in order to get a feel for how Shizuru Fujino lived. The girl left the house promptly at 6:30 in the mornings on weekdays, leaving for school, most likely. She did not return until late at night, no earlier than 7:00 and no later than 10:00.

Despite the obvious luxury of the house, Natsuki noticed that Fujino never had any company over, nor were there signs of any pets. She had been worried that Fujino might have hired help to take care of the house, considering the affluent neighborhood, but the girl was the only living thing in the house. Her neighbors were all families with older children or working young couples, which was perfect for Natsuki, because the chance of someone being home in the daytime was slight.

Natsuki decided that she would rob the house today. She arrived too late to witness Fujino leaving, but it was 7:00 and her car was gone, so Natsuki knew it was safe.

Natsuki had already pinpointed weak spots in the house's security. Fujino left an upstairs window opened all the time, which led Natsuki to believe that it was a bathroom or something. Fortunately, or unfortunately for Fujino, there was a rain drainage pipe located right next to said window.

Natsuki cracked her knuckles and looked around, thanking the gods that the sides of Fujino's house were obscured from her neighbors' view by tall trees. The young thief found her schoolgirl disguise useful for two things. One: no one would look twice at a young girl, unless they were some psycho old man pervert. Two: her backpack was the perfect place to stow stolen goods.

She shimmied up the drainage pipe with ease, demonstrating the depth of her agility and nimbleness. Natsuki silently slipped through the window, landing feet-first in a bathtub. She strained her ears for the sound of movement before tiptoeing into the hallway.

The house was everything that she dreamed it would be. Natsuki gleefully looked around at her luxurious surroundings. There was so much to choose from!

Natsuki shook her head. She had to focus on what she came here for: Shizuru Fujino's famous jewelry collection.

The dark-haired thief snuck into Fujino's master bedroom and immediately headed for the large vanity set next to a king-sized bed. Natsuki eagerly opened its drawers. Green eyes widened at the multitude of necklaces, rings, and bracelets made from various precious gemstones. Stuffing her backpack with everything she found, Natsuki paused when she found a brooch in the shape of a snake. The snake's eyes were enormous rubies; the scales were made entirely of diamonds. Natsuki stared in awe at what was one of the most beautifully crafted pieces of jewelry she ever had the pleasure of stealing.

Natsuki's backpack was filled to the brim with sparkling jewelry. Her face split into a rare full-faced grin. _Abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous._

She decided to look though the house once more before leaving. Natsuki silently walked downstairs and started to walk around, admiring the expansive kitchen, living room, wide-screen television, leather recliner, person sleeping in said recliner, fireplace—

_WAIT._ Natsuki did a double take. Her face paled when she realized that yes, there was someone sleeping in the recliner. More specifically, the owner of the house, Shizuru Fujino.

Natsuki tried to keep from panicking. She had no idea why Fujino was still home, but at least she hadn't woken up. The other girls' eyes were closed and she was slowly breathing in and out. Too slowly.

Natsuki frowned. Fujino should've been awake, since Natsuki hadn't really bothered to remain quiet. She crept a little closer. There was an empty bottle of pills and a folded note on the small desk next to the recliner. Sparing Fujino another glance, Natsuki quickly unfolded the note.

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_Please donate all my possessions to a good cause. Perhaps then my life will finally be worth something._

_Shizuru Fujino_

"Fucking hell, the kid's trying to kill herself!" Natsuki snapped her eyes to the barely breathing girl. They were probably the same age, but Shizuru Fujino had so much more than Natsuki did. "Fucking rich kids and their issues!"

Natsuki considered turning around and leaving. It was none of her business whether Fujino died or not. She opened the window, intent on leaving the house with the stolen jewelry, but her long-dormant conscious decided that now was a fantastic time to awaken.

_It'll take two fucking seconds to save her life, just pick up a phone and call an ambulance!_

Natsuki frowned. _No way. I'm a criminal!_

_A thief, not a murderer! If she dies, it's all your fault._

Natsuki hesitated before slowly turning around. Her eyes drifted to the phone in the corner.

_-000-000-_

Natsuki paced the hospital corridor, scowling intensely as she did so. The nurses gave her wary looks, but Natsuki was oblivious, too busy chastising herself. _Fine mess you got yourself into, Kuga! You should've just left after calling an ambulance, but nooo, you had to be a hero!_

"Ahh—excuse me?"

"What?" Natsuki snapped. A nurse looked surprised at the outburst.

She recovered quickly and gave Natsuki a sympathetic glance. "I know you're worried about your friend, but she's going to be okay. You called the ambulance just in time! May I ask what your relationship with her is?"

Natsuki's mind went blank. "She's, uh…my roommate! Yeah, we live together!"

The nurse smiled. "Would you like to see her? Fujino-san is in Room 312."

Natsuki blinked. _What's a polite way of saying 'fuck no'?_ "Ah, that won't be necessary—"

"Fujino and Fujino-sama!" The nurse gasped out. Natsuki turned to look at a middle-aged couple coming towards them. _Oho, so this is rich girl's mommy and daddy._

A tall man with graying hair looked disdainfully at the nurse. "Where is our daughter?"

"Room 312." The nurse gave him a nervous smile.

Natsuki lowered her head and pushed her way through between the couple, but a strong hand grasped her by the elbow. Natsuki jerked around and glared at the person, but faltered when she saw the cold crimson eyes staring back. _Whoa. I never thought I would ever encounter someone who had a scarier glare than me. _

"I don't know who you are, but such rude manners are not to be tolerated."

Natsuki stubbornly glared back at the older man. "Likewise, old man."

The nurse nervously cut in. "Fujino-sama, this girl is your daughter's roommate; she saved your daughter's life—"

The red eyes focused on Natsuki. "Ara, is that so?"

Kenjiro continued to stare down at Natsuki, still firmly gripping her elbow. The dignified woman next to him also scrutinized Natsuki carefully, wrinkling her nose slightly. Natsuki repressed the urge to say something rude.

Sakura said out loud, "I didn't know Shizuru had a roommate." Her piercing blue eyes never left Natsuki's face.

Kenjiro began to walk towards Room 312, forcing Natsuki to fall into step with him. "I'm sure my daughter would like to thank you for saving her life."

"Her safety is thanks enough." Natsuki smiled angelically at the man when he threw her a sharp look. _Jeez, now I get what Shizuru Fujino is going through. Being around them for five seconds makes me want to kill myself! _

"Nevertheless—" He swiftly opened the door and pulled Natsuki in with him. Natsuki was slightly surprised to see that his wife had been able to keep up with them.

Shizuru Fujino was conscious and sitting up in the bed when the door opened. Natsuki's eyes immediately connected with a pair of red ones. _Huh, rich girl has her daddy's eyes._

"Father. Mother. I thought you two had an important meeting in Tokyo." Shizuru's voice was perfectly neutral. Natsuki raised an eyebrow. _Now, is that any way to greet your mommy and daddy after nearly dying? I can tell this is one big happy family. _

Papa Fujino, as Natsuki dubbed him in her mind, smiled stiffly. "The meeting was postponed to tomorrow."

Mama Fujino spoke up. "Really, Shizuru, what's the matter with you? How could you mistake sleeping pills for your vitamins? The doctor said you nearly died! I knew it was a bad idea for you to live alone in that house!"

Natsuki blinked in surprise. What the hell? Baby Fujino definitely did not mistake those sleeping pills as vitamins. Natsuki reached into her pocket and took out the suicide note. She had forgotten to mention it before, but before she could bring it up, Shizuru's red eyes locked onto the folded square of paper before glaring at her. _Whoa, the glare's genetic!_

"It was a simple mistake, Mother."

Kenjiro shook his head. "A very stupid mistake, in my opinion. If it weren't for your roommate—"

"My roommate?" Shizuru sounded confused.

"Her—" Kenjiro jerked Natsuki forward. Natsuki gave Shizuru a pleading look. _I saved your life, don't sell me out!_

"Oh, yes, uh—"

"Natsuki Kuga." Natsuki piped in. Sakura looked at her suspiciously.

"Natsuki is a very close friend of mine." Shizuru smiled at Natsuki. Natsuki glared back. _Bite me._

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "We'll talk about your choice of friends later, Shizuru. Get some rest now; your father and I need to talk to the hospital director about keeping quiet about your stay. The last thing we need is the press accusing you of being addicted to drugs or being suicidal."

Shizuru laughed once. "Of course not."

Kenjiro glanced at Natsuki. "Shizuru, why don't you bring Kuga-san to the family barbecue this Saturday? I have no idea what's going on in your life since you started going to university, and I would like to get to know your roommate better."

"Yes, Father."

Natsuki blinked. The Fujinos acted like she wasn't even in the room! Before she could object, however, the two elder Fujinos swept out of the room, leaving her alone with the youngest.

Natsuki hoisted the backpack higher on her shoulder. "Listen, I'll be going now—"

"And where does Kuga-san think she's going?" Shizuru narrowed her eyes.

Natsuki froze. "Uh, home?"

Shizuru frowned. "But Kuga-san is my roommate, remember?"

Natsuki scowled. "I'm thankful you played along, Fujino, but now the charade's over. This is _goodbye_." She stressed the last word.

Shizuru chuckled humorlessly. "Kuga-san, you don't have a choice here. If my father finds out that I lied to him, then you and I are both in serious trouble."

Natsuki waved the suicide note in front of Shizuru. "If you try to stop me from leaving, I'll tell everyone what you really tried to do."

"If you leave this room, I'll call the police."

Natsuki scoffed. "And say what, 'help, I have no friends and my fake roommate is trying to ditch me'?"

Shizuru gave her an icy glare. "No. I'll tell them who the Kyoto Ninja is."

Natsuki froze in the doorway. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Shizuru smirked. "Backpack's open."

Natsuki glanced over her shoulder and cursed. The zipper must've come undone when Papa Fujino jostled her around. Part of a gold necklace peeked out, sparkling underneath the hospital's fluorescent lights.

Emerald and crimson eyes clashed in a battle of wills. Shizuru smirked when she saw the slightest falter in Natsuki's stance. "It's your move, Kuga-san."

Natsuki sighed. She was faced with two choices. One: be arrested and thrown in jail to rot for the rest of her life. Two: move in with a suicidal rich kid to appease her scary and powerful parents, possibly also for the rest of her life. Neither appealed to her, but at least with the second choice she wouldn't have to worry about dropping soap in the shower.

"Fujino, meet your new roommate."

* * *

_**Questions? Comments? Click on that lil' link below -**_


	4. Chapter 4: The Shark Keeper

_Thank you for the reviews! It's been a while since I updated my short stories, hasn't it? I wrote this last year in honor of Shark Week and forgot about it until now...I'm not updating Sucker Punch for at least a month, so I hope this is a worthy enough consolation prize. Enjoy!_

* * *

Where was she? It was almost noon, and Natsuki wanted to catch at least a glimpse of the other woman before her job was done. Wait, a group of children just came in, maybe they were hers—?

Natsuki let out a little cheer, even though it was inaudible underwater. _She_ was finally here! Natsuki continued to scrape the algae off the glass partition that was the only barrier between the aquarium's visitors and 300,000 gallons of water. Cleaning the tank itself was an easy enough job—it was the 40 or so sharks swimming behind Natsuki that made it nerve-wracking.

It wasn't like cleaning the shark tank was Natsuki's dream job; who the hell would want to be potentially ripped to shreds for doing janitorial duty? Unfortunately, the aquarium was cutting down on costs—which meant the tank cleaning staff had been fired—and Natsuki was the only assistant researcher with diving experience with sharks. Yippee ki-yay.

If there was one perk about cleaning the shark tank, though, it was seeing the visitors marvel at her pure awesomeness at swimming with freakin' _sharks_. Getting rid of algae in the shark tank was so much more badass than cleaning the squid tank, which is what Nao did. And it wasn't like she was totally helpless; she carried a type of underwater cattle prod that could release an electromagnetic pulse if a shark tried to attack her—her special shark stick. Luckily, she hadn't had a chance to use her shark stick.

Natsuki loved seeing the reaction of the kids on school trips. Whenever a shark brushed by particularly close, some of the kids actually shouted, "Watch out, Shark Girl!" (Not that Natsuki could hear them, but she could read their lips as they screamed their little heads off.)

Natsuki's favorite visitor, though, wasn't the school kids…her favorite visitor was their teacher, a striking brunette with crimson eyes. Natsuki had no idea what her name was—Natsuki personally referred to her as Ms. Gorgeous—but Natsuki assumed the brunette was some sort of science teacher since she brought a different class to the aquarium every Wednesday.

The first time Natsuki had seen Ms. Gorgeous was when she had first started cleaning the tank about 4 months ago. Natsuki was cursing her boss for firing the previous shark tank cleaner and trying not to piss herself every time she felt a shark brush past when she saw a group of excited children pressed up against the glass. Natsuki's lips quirked around her regulator; they looked terrified and amazed at the same time. Then she looked up, and her jaw literally dropped at seeing a drop-dead gorgeous woman standing behind the kids. Natsuki could barely breathe when their eyes connected. Hang on—she literally couldn't breathe. Natsuki scrambled to put the regulator back into her mouth and inhaled fresh oxygen. Ah, much better…Back to staring at Ms. Gorgeous.

Natsuki leaned forward to get a better look and ended up banging her head against the glass. Ow—stupid bulky mask that got in the way. Ms. Gorgeous seemed to be giggling, to Natsuki's embarrassment, but her crimson eyes were twinkling in amusement. Natsuki sheepishly shrugged; her dark blue hair floating around her head made her look like a rather strange mermaid.

And so began their little interactions.

There was nothing much during the first month, usually just a smile and a wave exchanged between them. Natsuki unconsciously brightened when she saw Ms. Gorgeous, which made the surrounding visitors smile.

Natsuki would occasionally hitch onto the dorsal fin of one of the less aggressive sharks for a short ride to impress the kids (and secretly their hot teacher, too). The first time Natsuki had done it, Ms. Gorgeous looked ready to jump into the water to save Natsuki. She was always visibly relieved when Natsuki let go of the shark.

The second month, Ms. Gorgeous placed her hand on the glass and looked at Natsuki with a raised eyebrow. Natsuki placed her hand in the same place. They shared a smile; it was almost like they were touching hands.

In the third month, Ms. Gorgeous blew her a kiss. Natsuki blushed so red that it was visible even behind her mask. The brunette laughed at this and had taken to blowing Natsuki a kiss whenever it was time for her to leave.

Natsuki knew she could easily find out who Ms. Gorgeous was and actually talk to her on dry land, but their little meetings felt…special. She didn't want to break the magic yet, and Ms. Gorgeous apparently felt the same way, since she didn't try to contact Natsuki, either.

And now near the end of the fourth month of their—friendship? Certainly not relationship; Natsuki didn't even know Ms. Gorgeous' real name, for crying out loud—Natsuki waited impatiently for the teacher to show.

Where was she? It was almost noon, and Natsuki wanted to catch at least a glimpse of the other woman before her job was done. Wait, a group of children just came in, maybe they were hers—?

Natsuki automatically smiled at Ms. Gorgeous and held up her wrist, tapping it twice. _You're late._

Ms. Gorgeous shrugged and gestured to the unusually large number of visitors around her. _Don't blame me for long lines. _

Natsuki fondly rolled her eyes. _Excuses._

A little boy tugged on Ms. Gorgeous' skirt, diverting her attention away from Natsuki.

Natsuki paused at the last patch of algae left on the glass. Wait a minute…

Natsuki used her finger to write on the algae before rapping on the glass to get Ms. Gorgeous' attention. Ms. Gorgeous looked up to see that Natsuki had written "Name?"

Natsuki quirked an eyebrow when Ms. Gorgeous looked at her mischievously and shook her head. She cocked her head. _Why not? _

Ms. Gorgeous pointed at Natsuki, then pointed at the floor next to herself. The message was obvious. _You'll have to come out here if you really want to know._

Natsuki cleaned off the last of the algae and gave Ms. Gorgeous a mock salute. _My duty is done. See you next time._

Ms. Gorgeous blew her a kiss. Natsuki couldn't help but grin and swam up with a bounce in her step (in her fins?) She surfaced gracefully and slowly swam over to the ladder—no loud splashing, or the sharks swimming below her might think she looked rather tasty.

Yuuichi Tate peered at her mischievously from where he was sitting on the floor, surrounded by buckets of fish. "I was ready to feed the sharks with you still in the tank."

"Bastard. I would've killed you if you did." Natsuki took off her fins and mask, peeling off the wetsuit to reveal a two piece.

"Was Ms. Gorgeous here today?"

"Yep." Natsuki said cheerfully.

"I was wondering what took you so long. I mean, why would you willingly spend more time in a tank full of sharks, if not for a hot babe?" Yuuichi wiggled his eyebrows. "So are you going to ask her out, or what?"

"Not yet."

"Jeez, what's stopping you? How can you be scared to ask out a girl and yet have no problem swimming with sharks?"

"I'm not _scared_ to ask her out!"

"Sure you are, chicken. _Bawk-bawk-bawk_—"

Natsuki flung her mask at him and scowled. "Shut up, Sideburns! I have no idea what Mai sees in you!" She stormed off.

Yuuichi frowned at Natsuki's retreating back. "What's wrong with sideburns?"

_-000-000-_

Natsuki entered the locker room with a scowl. She stopped short at seeing Mai help a sour-faced Nao wash black gunk off her face. "Mai! Control your boyfriend before I tie a bloody steak to him and throw him in the shark tank! And what happened to you, Nao?"

Nao scowled. "I hate cleaning the squid tank. You accidentally brush against a squid and it decides to ink in your face."

"Heh, that's gross." Natsuki smirked.

"Shut it."

"Why do you want to throw Yuuichi into the shark tank?" Mai asked.

"He doesn't know how to mind his own business."

"Ah, so you still haven't asked Ms. Gorgeous out yet?" Nao said knowingly.

Natsuki turned red. "What the hell? Does everyone talk about me when I'm not around?"

"Oh yeah, all the time," Mai said casually. "It's hard _not_ to notice you eye-sexing it up with the hot teacher every week. Did you know that you two have become a sort of visitor's attraction yourselves?"

"What do you mean?"

"Yukino placed a visitors' comment box at the exit; you know, so we can help improve the aquarium or whatever," Nao explained. "Nearly half the comments talk about 'the cute couple in the shark exhibit,' 'the pretty teacher bringing in her students to visit her girlfriend,' and my personal favorite: 'the hot tank cleaner practically getting it on with that teacher I'd like to fu—"

"What?" Natsuki yelped. "We do not 'practically get it on!' I don't even know her name!"

"Wait, it's not Ms. Gorgeous?"

Mai sighed and cuffed the back of Nao's head. "Ignore her; she swallowed ink once too many times."

"That explains so much."

"Why don't you ask her out?" Nao asked. "She's interested, you're interested. Can't get any simpler than that."

"I don't know. What if she's a huge bitch who flirts with everyone who smiles at her?"

"And she might also think the same of you. C'mon, what harm can one date do? She'll probably say yes," Mai argued.

"You think so?" Natsuki frowned contemplatively.

"Definitely."

"Okay. Okay, I'll ask her out next week. Thanks, guys!" Natsuki beamed and strode out of the locker room.

Mai turned to Nao. "And it only took her four months instead of the six you said it would. You owe me 20 dollars."

"Damn it."

_-000-000-_

The aquarium researcher frowned as she observed the sharks swimming around. Agnes, the aquarium's largest sand tiger shark, was uncharacteristically biting at its fellow sharks and swimming in small circles.

The researcher picked up her phone and called her boss. "One of the sand tigers is acting abnormally. I think we should examine it tomorrow…No, the exhibit won't have to be closed, but Kuga—the assistant researcher you commissioned to clean the tank? That's the one, sir. She'll have to be notified to stay out of the tank; it's possible the sand tiger might attack…You'll post up a sign? Okay, thanks."

She hung up the phone and sighed in relief. She shuddered to think of what would happen if no one told Kuga to stay out of the shark tank; probably a blood bath.

The director of the aquarium, a portly man, had a fondness for food. His jaws had to be in constant motion; if he wasn't eating food, he was chewing gum. As he walked towards the food stands for another hot dog, he passed by the door leading to the surface of the shark tank and paused. Taking out a piece of paper and pen, he wrote "Kuga: Stay out of the tank this week!" and signed it before searching his pockets for something to stick the note to the door with. Nothing except for a piece of lint.

He shrugged and took the gum out of his mouth to attach the note to the door. That would work well enough.

He walked away with a whistle, not noticing the note drop to the floor.

_-000-000-_

Natsuki mentally reviewed her plan of attack while changing into her wetsuit. Go in, clean the tank, get out, intercept Ms. Gorgeous, and ask her out. Simple. She could do this.

Natsuki's train of thought was broken when she felt a slight resistance underneath her shoe. Looking down, she scowled at the piece of gum she had stepped on. What jerk would spit out their gum indoors?

Natsuki looked around for something to scrape the gum off with. There was a piece of paper lying on the floor; perfect. Natsuki wiped her shoe on the paper and carelessly threw it into the trash can.

Sitting by the edge of the tank, Natsuki kicked off her shoes and put on the scuba tank and fins. She was slightly disappointed that Yuuichi wasn't there yet; it'd be nice if someone were there to wish her luck one last time, and as obnoxious as Yuuichi was, he was a good guy.

Grabbing the shark stick and cleaning supplies, Natsuki adjusted her mask and lowered herself into the tank.

Natsuki wasn't so preoccupied with the thought of seeing Shizuru that she didn't notice the sharks weren't swimming around her in curiosity, as they normally did. Funnily enough, most of them seemed to be sticking to the bottom of the tank, nearly out of sight for aquarium visitors; maybe there was an injured shark down there? Whatever the reason, Natsuki didn't like this sudden change. It made her feel uneasy.

She cautiously started wiping at the glass. A rap on the glass caught Natsuki's attention; she looked up to see Ms. Gorgeous smiling at her. Natsuki reflexively smiled back and placed her hand on the glass. She was thrilled to see Ms. Gorgeous mirror the motion, but frowned when the smile on the brunette's face flickered and disappeared. Ms. Gorgeous pointed to somewhere beyond Natsuki.

Natsuki turned around and felt her heart seize in her chest. Agnes, one of the more aggressive sharks and the biggest motherfucker in the tank, was swimming in jerky, erratic circles around the tank and closing in on her. Erratic movement was one sign of an impending shark attack.

Through her peripheral vision, Natsuki could see the visitors panicking behind the glass, but she _had_ to remain calm. Natsuki let go of her cleaning supplies and slowly reached for her shark stick strapped to her thigh.

Agnes shot towards her. Natsuki desperately threw herself to the side and barely avoided the shark's assault. Agnes crashed against the glass, giving horrified spectators a nice view of rows of jagged teeth.

Natsuki reasoned that Agnes must have some injury or something, because if the shark had been healthy she'd be floating around in pieces right now—not that she was safe yet, since Agnes seemed to have recovered from her crash and was turning around to attack again. She managed to get her shark stick out just as the shark swam towards her again, mouth wide open. The electromagnetic pulse caused Agnes to flinch and veer off to the side, knocking Natsuki over in the process.

On the bright side, Natsuki hadn't been eaten, yay! On the not so bright side, Agnes had torn her air hose, precious oxygen being lost every second. Natsuki could only hold her breath for two minutes, tops, and she would have to swim slowly to seem like she was not in distress, or else the other sharks might attack her.

Of course, that had been the plan until Natsuki saw a tinge of red drift past her. It was just her luck that Agnes had apparently grazed against her forearm, leaving a long and shallow cut…not that it mattered how big it was; once the sharks caught scent of it, Natsuki was a goner. Dying this way was going to fucking suck.

There was pounding on the glass. Natsuki wearily looked up to see Ms. Gorgeous hitting her fists against the glass and shouting at her. She was surprised to see tears in those red eyes, but it shook her out of her funk. She couldn't let herself be eaten by giant fish; she had a beautiful woman to ask out!

Natsuki quickly dropped her oxygen tank—it would only slow her down—and kicked desperately for the surface. She was aware of the sharks below stirring; they had caught the scent of her blood and were looking for food. Natsuki pushed herself harder—so close to the surface! And the sharks were so close to her heels, Natsuki didn't know if she would make it—

Just as a shark took a chomp out of her swim fin, Natsuki broke through the surface of the water. Several pairs of hands grabbed her arms and literally dragged her out of the water just in time—right behind her, the surface of the water was disturbed by thrashing fins.

Natsuki promptly rolled over onto her back and gasped for air. She opened her eyes to gape at her left fin—completely bitten in half just inches away from her toes—and became aware of her friends cheering and patting her on the shoulder.

Natsuki turned to her left, where Yuuichi was gripping her arm and grinning like a fool. "I quit."

Yuuichi just laughed. Natsuki let her gaze wander around the room: Mai was openly sobbing like a baby, it looked like Nao had been inked by a squid again, and behind them—

Natsuki shoved Yuuichi away and scrambled to her feet. She nervously ran her hand through wet hair. "Hi."

Ms. Gorgeous stood before her with a shy smile. "Hello."

Nao scowled. "She has a near death experience and the first person she bothers acknowledging is some random woman? Nice to see where her priorities lie."

Mai shushed her and dragged Nao and Yuuichi away by the ear, to their extreme displeasure.

Natsuki looked up at the slightly taller woman and shifted nervously. "So, ah, doyouwannagooutwithmesometime?"

Ms. Gorgeous chuckled. "Ara, I apologize Sexy Shark Girl, but can you repeat that?"

"I, uh—" Natsuki blinked. "Wait, what did you call me?"

Natsuki grinned at seeing Ms. Gorgeous blush for the first time.

"Ah—the children call you Shark Girl," she explained hastily.

"Yeah, but you called me _Sexy_ Shark Girl," Natsuki said smugly.

"I—well, that's—"

"So, Ms. Gorgeous, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" Natsuki interrupted with a smile.

"Ms. Gorgeous, huh?" The brunette woman smiled. "I'd love to. Does Sexy Shark Girl have anything in mind?"

Natsuki scowled. "Seafood. Lots and lots of seafood."

"Ara, so Sexy Shark Girl isn't the type to forgive and forget?" Ms. Gorgeous teased.

"The name's Natsuki. And you are?"

"Well, _Natsuki_, if you really want to know, you'll have to work for it." Ms. Gorgeous threw her a flirtatious look and turned to walk away. "I have to get back to my students—"

Maybe it was adrenaline still rushing through her veins, maybe it was giddiness from finally talking to her crush, but something possessed Natsuki to grab Ms. Gorgeous' wrist and pull her in for a kiss.

The kiss was short, ending after a few seconds. Natsuki blushed at realizing what she had done. "Sorry, Ms. Gorgeous—"

"Shizuru."

"What?"

"My name is Shizuru." Shizuru smiled at Natsuki before pulling her in for another kiss.

* * *

_I changed the name of "911 or 1-800-Suicide" to "Thieves and Liars." I might make it into a multi-chapter story after I finish "Sucker Punch" and "Kruger, Natsuki Kruger," depending on the Muses..._

_Review please!_


	5. Chapter 5: Love is in the Air

_Hello there! Thank you for all your reviews! They are all very much appreciated, and I really enjoy reading them._

_Warning: Please excuse my rudimentary French. I seem to have forgotten everything I learned once school ended._

* * *

"We're over, Natsuki. I'm done with this."

Natsuki blankly stared at the diamond ring her (now ex-) fiancée had placed before her on the table. Weird—she didn't feel any gut-wrenching sadness, just bewilderment and slight annoyance (though the annoyance might be attributed to the fact that she hadn't eaten in eight hours.)

Natsuki looked up at her (now ex-) fiancée, who was holding a suitcase and fidgeting impatiently by the door, looked like she was going to bolt once Natsuki acknowledged their break-up. Natsuki, on the other hand, remained seated at the kitchen table, still clad in her rumpled uniform and a calm expression on her face.

Natsuki cleared her throat. "Can you feed me first before you leave?" If she tried to make herself dinner, she'd probably end up with food poisoning.

Mai stared at her in disbelief. "You're not even going to ask me why?"

Well, if that's what it took for some food… "Okay. Why?"

Mai huffed and set down her suitcase. "You are unbelievable."

"Oh. I guess that's a good enough reason for breaking off our engagement." Natsuki shrugged.

Mai ran her hand through vibrant red hair in frustration. "No! It's unbelievable how you don't know why I'm leaving! I'm breaking off our engagement because I can't remember the last time you were home for more than a week! And when you are around, you might as well not be—it's like you're off in another world. You don't _care_ about me, Natsuki."

"That's not true," Natsuki protested. "I write to you from every place I travel to, don't I?"

"You send me a _postcard_ with the same message every time. 'Hey, I'm in Whatever-New-Godforsaken-Place! It's great, wish you were here! Love, Natsuki,'" Mai imitated Natsuki's voice.

Natsuki blinked. That was _not_ what she sounded like.

"You don't care about us and our relationship, Natsuki. And any hope I might've had just disappeared with your reaction to this entire situation—or should I say your complete non-reaction?"

Her (now ex-) fiancée picked up her bag. "I'm leaving. Don't bother following me—though I doubt you were going to in the first place, since you're such an overflowing vat of emotions," Mai said sarcastically.

Natsuki winced at the loud slam of the door. Ouch, that was a little harsh, all things considered—after all, Mai was leaving her, and not vice-versa. Ah well, she was used to being left behind; in fact, she'd come to expect it. It seemed only fair, since Natsuki herself was never in one place for a long period of time. Mai had been right to believe that Natsuki wouldn't chase her; Natsuki had given up a long time ago on going after the people who left her. They never came back.

Natsuki picked up the diamond ring. It gave off a melancholic sparkle in the dim light. Natsuki absent-mindedly tucked it into her pocket and patted it twice. Maybe she'd throw it in a dumpster and some lucky homeless man would find it.

Her stomach growled. Natsuki sighed. She was suffering from jet lag, her (now ex-) fiancée had just left her, and she was still hungry. Glorious.

* * *

Natsuki adjusted her seatbelt and made sure she was settled comfortably into the seat before turning on the intercom. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain, Natsuki Kruger, speaking. Welcome aboard to Garderobe Airlines Flight 316 to Paris. Flight duration is around 8 hours. We hope you enjoy your flight."

She clicked off the intercom before muttering, "Though if you don't, I really don't give a shit."

Nao, her co-pilot, looked up from the controls. "_Someone's_ in a bad mood."

Natsuki remained focused on taxiing down the runway, but once the plane was up in the air she took the ring out of her pocket. "My fiancée dumped me." Now ex-fiancée.

Nao frowned. "That sucks. Sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not sure how I feel about it, actually." Natsuki glanced at the ring. "You want it?"

"Gee, I don't know how to turn down that stunningly romantic proposal, but I'm already taken. Sorry," Nao deadpanned.

Natsuki cracked a smile. "I'd being doing Nina a favor by taking you off her hands. Besides, I'd only propose to you in your dreams."

"More like in my nightmares."

Natsuki continued to hold out the ring. "You can give it to your better half. Or you can sell it when she breaks up with you."

Nao took a sip of her coffee and frowned. "I can't tell if this coffee is bitter because I forgot to add sugar or because of your perpetual cynicism. I'm leaning towards the latter."

Natsuki sighed and slipped the ring back into her pocket. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I don't want the ring because I bet it has some seriously bad juju right now, but I have an idea that'll make you feel better."

"What is it? It better not be like the idea you had in Amsterdam," Natsuki warned.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know you were going to be a pig and eat that entire batch of pot brownies? I _told_ you to have only one," Nao protested.

"You shouldn't have given any to me at all!"

"It was for your own good. In twenty years, you would've been looking back on that moment and saying, 'What if?'"

"No, I really doubt I would have," Natsuki scowled.

"Whatever. Anyways, we're going to Paris, right?"

"Eh, depends on my mood. I kind of feel like going to Madrid—"

"So we're going to Paris," Nao raised her voice to drown out Natsuki's droll response, "And if it makes your sad, cynical little self feel better, you can take that engagement ring, the ultimate symbol of love and commitment, and throw it into the Seine. It'd be like a huge "fuck you" to the notion of love, made even more ironic since you'd be in one of the most romantic cities in the world."

Natsuki paused. "What a stupid, impulsive, extremely petty thing to do. Let's do it."

A few thousand dollars literally down the drain was _totally_ going to be worth the satisfaction.

_-000-000-_

Natsuki flicked on the intercom as she skillfully brought the plane to a stop. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Paris. Bonjour, et bienvenue à Paris."

Nao grinned mischievously at her. "Ah mon dieu, I love when you speak French to me."

"I'll make sure to mention that to Nina," Natsuki shot back playfully.

Nao stretched as they disembarked the plane and headed for the airport's exit. "Damn it, we're going to have to be back in the cockpit in twelve hours."

"Better get your beauty rest soon, then. God knows you need it," Natsuki jibed.

Nao stuck out her tongue at Natsuki, which devolved into a yawn. "Jesus Christ, I'm exhausted. Where are all the taxis?"

"Probably all taken by the passenger horde," Natsuki mumbled. "Look, that one's free."

They tossed their bags into the trunk. Natsuki slid into the back seat and was about to shut the door when a voice called out, "Attendez, s'il vous plaît!"

Natsuki turned her head to see a supermodel stride towards them. A supermodel wearing a…Garderobe Airlines captain uniform?

Natsuki tried not to stare as the extremely attractive woman quickly slid in next to her with a word of thanks.

Nao gave the woman a nod. "You fly for Garderobe?"

"I do. Shizuru Viola, Flight 714 from Cairo. I hope you are going to the company hotel? I am in desperate need for sleep."

"Same here; I'm dead on my feet. Nao Zhang, Flight 316 from New York." Nao shook Shizuru's hand.

Natsuki was too entranced by intense crimson eyes to notice Shizuru had turned to her. Nao coughed and nudged Natsuki. "Introduce yourself, moron."

Natsuki glared at Nao before shaking Shizuru's hand. "Natsuki Kruger, same flight."

Shizuru's eyes twinkled. "A pleasure."

Natsuki raised her eyebrows when Shizuru didn't let go. "Ah, Captain Viola—"

"Shizuru."

Natsuki had the sudden urge to kiss away the damnably attractive smirk on Shizuru's face. She bit the inside of her cheek to restrain herself. "Right. Shizuru. Can you, uh, let go of my hand now?"

The smirk grew wider. "If Natsuki insists." She slowly let go of Natsuki's hand, making sure her fingers caressed Natsuki's palm every inch of the way.

Natsuki blushed and quickly placed her hands into her pockets. Her fingers brushed against the ring, reminding her of her task. She sat back with a sigh and stayed silent during the conversation that started between Nao and Shizuru, determinedly ignoring Nao's quizzical looks and Shizuru's amused stares.

_-000-000-_

"It seems Natsuki and I are roommates for the night."

Natsuki stiffened as Shizuru suddenly appeared behind her. Seriously, the woman was some kind of devious, flirting ninja—so far, Natsuki had counted one flirtatious handshake, three hand placements on her knee, two "accidental" shoulder brushings, and five whispers directly into her ear. Natsuki was damned if she was going to let that woman get to her, though!

"Yeah, I guess they didn't have enough rooms for each of us or s-something—" Natsuki stuttered on the last word when the slightly taller woman blew in her ear. Shizuru giggled when Natsuki scowled in embarrassment. It looked like she was damned.

_-000-000-_

Natsuki woke up with a start and looked at the clock. Blue luminescent numbers proclaimed the time to be two in the morning. She sighed and sat up; constant changes in time zones often messed up her sleeping pattern, and she was definitely not going to go back to sleep. Ah, well. She might as well get rid of the ring now.

Natsuki glanced to the side and was surprised to see Shizuru's bed empty—not that she cared. Natsuki pulled on a sweater and walked outside. The hotel was luckily close to a bridge that overlooked the Seine. Natsuki took the ring out of her pocket and frowned at it.

It still sparkled in the moonlight, polished and beautiful despite the rough treatment it suffered at Natsuki's hands. Its perpetual glimmer was almost mocking; damn diamonds and their shininess.

Natsuki tossed the ring up and down in her hand. Should she just drop the ring into the water or should she throw it as far as she could? Decisions, decisions.

"What are you doing?" A voice suddenly asked.

Natsuki jumped and whirled around. Shizuru was regarding her with an amused look. Natsuki scowled at her flirtatious pilot-ninja-stalker—certainly an impressive title to live up to. "None of your business."

"_Au contraire_. I was here first," was the smug reply.

"It's not like you own the bridge," Natsuki said irritably.

Shizuru inclined her head. "That's true." She walked over next to Natsuki and placed her arms on the railing, tilting her head to stare at Natsuki.

Natsuki quirked an eyebrow. "Stop staring at me."

"Unless Natsuki owns the bridge, then I believe I can do whatever I want. And what I want is to see what Natsuki is doing." Shizuru flashed her a smile.

Natsuki fought down a smile. "That's child's logic."

"Doesn't mean it's not true." Shizuru raised an eyebrow. "Or you can save us all this grief by just answering my question."

"Which was?"

"What are you doing?"

Natsuki sighed. Fine, whatever. She held out the ring. "My fiancée finally left me, so I don't really need this any more."

Shizuru surveyed her with amusement. "Throwing out your love in the city of love? That's strangely poetic…though I'm sure your ex-fiancée is hardly worth the dramatic gesture."

"Oh?"

"If she left, then she's not worth chasing, is she?" Shizuru paused. "I'm sorry, that was terribly insensitive of me. I've had a few bad experiences, so I'm a little biased. I'm sure Natsuki will get back with her love soon enough, which is a shame." Shizuru cheekily shrugged.

Natsuki slowly grinned. "No, you're right. No one is worth chasing if they're the ones who left in the first place."

Natsuki drew back her arm to throw the ring off the bridge, but Shizuru grabbed her wrist. Natsuki looked at her curiously. "What?"

"Keep the ring. A time might come when the ring will be more useful in Natsuki's hand than at the bottom of a river." Shizuru unclasped a chain around her neck and plucked the ring from Natsuki's fingers, sliding it onto the chain. Natsuki's eyes widened when Shizuru leaned forward to place the chain around her neck.

"There. So Natsuki won't lose it to spite me." Shizuru smiled at feeling Natsuki's pulse hammer underneath her fingertips.

Natsuki unconsciously brought her hand up to play with the chain, green eyes focused on a pair of lips hovering tantalizingly close to her own. "Now what?"

Shizuru contemplated. "Now…this." She crushed her lips to Natsuki's.

They ended up spending the rest of the night in bed, their bodies intertwined on the sheets and their minds clouded with lust. Rough, passionate, ultimately meaningless sex between two near-strangers that lasted until the sun rose. And when Natsuki woke up, the other side of the bed was ice-cold, night was beginning to fall, and she had an hour until her next flight to Beijing.

* * *

The next time they met was a month later, this time in Berlin. This time, Natsuki had an entire day before her next flight, so she went out for a drink. In every city she flew to, there was always one bar that she always frequented. Berlin was no exception.

Natsuki was comfortably ensconced on a bar stool, nursing a bottle of locally-brewed beer. She absentmindedly toyed with the chain around her neck, letting her fingers run across the diamond set in white gold. It had become an unconscious habit.

A familiar voice suddenly intruded on her thoughts.

"Hello, Stranger."

Natsuki barely turned around. "I thought you didn't chase after people."

Shizuru sat on the stool next to Natsuki and regarded her with amusement. "Natsuki is being rather conceited, isn't she? It's a small world. I don't chase after people, but if our paths happen to cross, well, that's hardly my fault."

"How long until your next flight?"

"Three hours."

Natsuki threw some money down before grabbing Shizuru's hand to lead her out the door. "We should make the most of it."

Natsuki thought that Berlin would be the last time she would see Shizuru…until they bumped into each other in Florence. And Lisbon. Seattle. Hong Kong. Glasgow. Los Angeles. So on and so forth.

"What's going on between you and Shizuru?" Nao had once asked.

"Nothing. We just run into each other from time to time."

"So you two are fuck buddies?"

"…I guess."

"Cool. I thought that only happened in movies."

It was as if the gods above (or more likely, the higher-ups at Garderobe Airlines) had seen fit to make sure their schedules aligned every so often. Not that Natsuki was complaining—she got to have fantastic sex without the drawback of being in a relationship. Their time together varied—sometimes they had an entire day to themselves, sometimes one of them had to leave in a matter of hours. Once, she had ended up being assigned as Shizuru's copilot. Natsuki's only thought was: Best entry into the Mile High Club _ever_. (The unusually rough flight had been blamed on strong turbulence.)

Sometimes, when they were not in the same destination, Natsuki would receive a phone call from Shizuru—or maybe it was her calling Shizuru? And sometimes Natsuki would land at an airport and discover Shizuru had left her something—instructions, usually, leading her on a scavenger hunt throughout the city or uncovering some hidden gem about that city that Natsuki hadn't known about. Natsuki thought it was only fair to return the favor.

This not-quite relationship they shared was unusual, no doubt, but it worked. Yes, one of them eventually had to leave, but whether through chance or fate, they always met up again.

Until Shizuru ended it, that is.

It was a rainy night in Prague. Natsuki watched the rain with some disgust, knowing the weather would only make flying harder, before turning to watch Shizuru get dressed. Shizuru had been unusually silent during this rendezvous, only gripping onto Natsuki tighter when Natsuki did that thing with her tongue that drove Shizuru absolutely crazy.

"I'm headed to Rome next. What about you?"

"I have the month off."

Natsuki sat up. "Why? Is something wrong?"

Shizuru turned around to face Natsuki, a neutral expression meeting Natsuki's quizzical one.

"I'm getting married."

Natsuki stopped breathing.

* * *

The wedding invitation had been left for her at Heathrow Airport. Nao had received one, too.

Natsuki quickly scanned the invitation. She was cordially invited, blah blah blah, wedding of Tomoe Marguerite and Shizuru Viola, blah blah blah, 7:00 PM at Fuuka Cathedral in Paris. Natsuki ripped the invitation in half and tossed it in the trash.

Nao eyed her warily. "Are you going to go?"

"Does it look like I'm going to go?" Natsuki snapped.

"You have a month to change her mind."

"Whatever. It's her life."

"She's your life now, too."

"No, we were only _fuck buddies_, remember? I'll find another one soon enough."

"But it won't be her, though—"

"Nao. Drop it."

Nao looked sympathetic. "Okay. I'll tell Shizuru we can't make it."

"You can go."

"Nah, weddings get too sappy for my tastes," Nao offhandedly said. Natsuki felt a rush of affection for her friend.

Nao may have dropped the issue, but Natsuki couldn't do the same. The date was unwillingly circled on her calendar, she scanned the terminals in vain for a glimpse of Shizuru, and phone calls were started before being slammed down onto the receiver.

Ironically enough, Natsuki was assigned to Flight 215 from Moscow to Paris on the day of the wedding. It was torture to know that she would be so close and yet so far from Shizuru.

Natsuki landed the plane effortlessly and listlessly flicked on the intercom. "Bonjour, et bienvenue à Paris."

She glanced at her watch. 9:00 PM, much too damn late for her to do anything. Shizuru was forever out of reach.

Natsuki had never felt this kind of crushing regret before. She should've chased Shizuru—should have, could have, would have. Now she was only left with the 'what-ifs' and a desire to curl up into a ball and die.

Except…she was also feeling this strange urge. An urge to run to Shizuru, fall on her knees before her, and beg Shizuru to reconsider until she did. Natsuki tried to reason with herself—the wedding was done! Shizuru was already married and probably on her honeymoon!—but the urge only intensified.

Natsuki undid her seatbelt and shot to her feet.

Nao stared at her. "What are you doing?"

Natsuki ran out of the cockpit, pushing past surprised flight attendants and passengers. "I'm going after her."

Nao slipped ahead of Natsuki to block the exit. "But it's too late, she's already married."

"I know." Natsuki tried to push past Nao.

Nao held firm. "She'll probably tell you to get lost—or if she doesn't, her new wife will."

"I know." Natsuki lunged to the side, prompting Nao to grab her around the middle and tackle her to the floor.

"You don't love her!"

"Yes, I do! So if you don't get out of the way, Nao, I swear to God I'll throw you off this plane!"

Nao sighed in relief. "You've finally come to your fucking senses, thank God. Hurry up, the wedding probably started already."

"What? No, it started two hours ago; I'm just hoping Shizuru hasn't left for her honeymoon yet."

Nao pushed Natsuki out the door. "And Moscow's two hours ahead of Paris, dipshit. Get out of here!"

Natsuki sprinted through the airport, her lungs burning with the effort. She threw herself into the first taxi she saw, cutting off an outraged elderly couple holding their bags. "Fuuka Cathedral, as fast as you can."

The driver obligingly peeled off. Natsuki looked at her watch. Ten minutes had passed—how long did weddings usually last for, again?

Natsuki was certain they must've broken every traffic law in the book, and maybe some that weren't even laws yet. The taxi squealed to a stop in front of the cathedral, but when Natsuki tried to throw open the door, she ended up slamming her shoulder against the window instead. The door was locked.

Natsuki glared at the driver. "What the hell?"

He looked unsympathetic. "Look, lady, after all the stunts I just pulled, I better get paid a fortune."

Natsuki patted her pockets in despair. She left her wallet on the plane and she had nothing else on her, except—

Natsuki pulled out the ring from beneath her shirt. The diamond, bless its mineral heart, was still glistening in the darkness of the cab. "Will this do?"

_-000-000- _

As Natsuki rushed into the foyer of the cathedral, she could hear a deep voice intone, "—if any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace—"

Natsuki threw open the doors. "Yeah, I've got a fucking problem with that!"

Everyone gasped and turned to look at her. Natsuki was oblivious to their stares, too busy staring at Shizuru in a white dress. She was so beautiful it actually hurt.

Shizuru looked shocked. "Natsuki?"

Natsuki strode up the aisle, unceremoniously pushing Shizuru's speechless (hopefully ex-) fiancée away to stand in front of Shizuru. "I love you."

Shizuru looked like someone had suddenly thrown ice-cold water on her, while her fiancée, some teal-haired woman, was slowly turning red.

"Not going after you was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I know I said that going after someone is not worth the trouble, but you're worth it, Shizuru, and I need you to tell me that I'm worth it, too."

"Natsuki—"

"And I know you're scared that I'm going to leave, but I'm never letting you go until you tell me to, because you made me feel what no one else has ever made me feel—"

Shizuru interrupted Natsuki by seizing her lapels and pulling her in for a kiss.

"Security!" Shizuru's (now ex-) fiancée bellowed, looking shocked and furious at the same time.

Shizuru and Natsuki quickly broke apart and looked at each other. Shizuru kicked off her heels and ran down the aisle. She looked at Natsuki over her shoulder. "Coming?"

Natsuki grinned and turned to Shizuru's (now ex-) fiancée. "Excuse me while I steal your bride."

They ran off into the Parisian night, leaving behind frantic shouts and general all-around chaos. Natsuki swept Shizuru into her arms, carrying her bridal-style (ironically enough) to the waiting taxi.

Natsuki smirked at the crowd of confused guests spilling out of the cathedral.

Shizuru cleared her throat, looking unsure. "Now what?"

Natsuki contemplated. "Now…this." She dragged Shizuru in for a kiss.

* * *

_Blahhh—so much sappiness, I might as well drown myself in syrup. I blame the delirium that comes from being stuck on a plane for 7 hours._

_Review, please!_


	6. Chapter 6: In the Name of the Law

_Hello there! Thanks very much for your reviews! Writing these one-shots are mainly for my own amusement, so I get very pleased when someone reviews them ;) Anyways, I'm off to vacation for the next week, so I figured I'd update this since I can't update my other stories in time…Enjoy!_

* * *

Natsuki vigorously shook the aerosol can and sprayed paint over the brick wall before stepping back with a proud smile. She had just created a work of art—it was a shame someone would probably paint over it in a few days.

Nao came up behind her and whistled appreciatively. "That, my friend, is a masterpiece. Sakomizu's going to shit his pants when he sees this."

Natsuki snickered. "Yeah, he is. But just in case the fat bastard doesn't know who did it…" She lifted the can to spray an elaborate "N" and "K" over the lovingly-rendered, downright _obscene_ graffiti artwork of a fat policeman.

Tate looked over from his own graffiti and smiled. "Nice one, Natsuki." Takeda gave an approving nod.

"Yeah, I know—"

"Hey!" A deep voice shouted from the mouth of the alleyway.

Three heads whipped around to see a chunky policeman running towards them. One didn't even bother to look.

Takeda immediately ran the opposite direction. "That's our cue!"

He and Tate quickly clambered over a chain-link fence that partitioned the alley in two.

"Natsuki, let's go!" Nao stopped when her friend continued to graffiti the wall.

"Almost—finished—" Natsuki muttered, heedless of the approaching policeman.

Nao jerked Natsuki away by the collar. "Forget it, dumbass! Sakomizu's right there!"

The spray can fell to the ground with a clatter as the two girls took off, leaving the policeman in the dust. Natsuki easily followed Nao as she jumped onto a dumpster, using it to vault over the fence.

Natsuki waved mockingly from behind the safety of the fence. "Fancy seeing you around here, Sakomizu! I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got people to rob, cars to steal—just trying to make a dishonest living, you know." She winked at the infuriated officer before following Nao out the alley and out of sight.

The policeman slowed to a stop before the fence, panting and gripping onto the chain-links for support. "That's Officer Sakomizu to you!" He bellowed.

Sakomizu's partner ambled up behind him and regarded Natsuki's retreating back in amusement. "That girl is certainly resourceful. It's a shame—she's too bright to waste her life away like that."

Sakomizu whirled around to glare at Yamada. "Maybe if you helped me chase after them instead of lazing around in the car, we could catch those delinquents!"

Yamada stretched his back. "No can do, I'm afraid; this old body can't keep up with a bunch of unruly teenagers. Thank God I'm retiring."

Sakomizu scowled darkly. "I hope I can get a partner who'll actually keep up. What I would give to get my hands around that punk Natsuki's neck…" He curled his hands to throttle an imaginary Natsuki.

Yamada chuckled. "Actually, you're going be the one who has to worry about keeping up. Shizuru Fujino graduated at the top of her class at Fuuka Police Academy; she's their pride and joy. I've heard her methods of apprehending suspects are a little…unconventional, though."

"She could sing fucking opera during arrests and I wouldn't care, as long as she helps me catch Natsuki Kuga," Sakomizu spat.

Yamada shrugged. "Well, back to the station. We're going to have to write another report for the Chief."

"Yeah, thanks to that damn delinquent," Sakomizu grumbled.

* * *

The next time, Natsuki and company happened to be breaking into a car. Ostensibly it was to take the stereo system, but if they could also somehow get the car started, they certainly wouldn't complain.

"Hurry up, I'm getting cold," Nao muttered, taking a deep drag of her cigarette. She leaned on the open car door to quirk an eyebrow at Natsuki, who was hunched over in the driver's seat with her hands underneath the dashboard.

Natsuki scowled up at Nao as she tried to hotwire the car. "Can you shut up and stop staring?"

Nao flicked her cigarette hand, causing ashes to rain down on Natsuki. "Aww, does our great leader get performance anxiety?"

"No, I don't. If you're looking at me, then you're not looking out for cops, and _that _means we're all boned."

"Maybe we should just take the stereo and go," Takeda suggested from where he was lounging on the hood of the car. "I don't want to get caught." He opened the six-pack of beer next to him and passed them out.

"And we _won't,_ if you all just shut up and keep an eye out," Natsuki growled. She accepted the beer Nao offered her and placed it between her thighs so her hands could be free.

Nao nonchalantly shrugged and opened her beer. "The woman's dedicated to her craft. We're in it to win it, go big or go home, eyes on the prize—"

Tate groaned from where he was leaning on the side of the car. "Don't you ever shut up, Nao?"

"Don't you ever control those caterpillars crawling up the sides of your face, Tate? I bet Mai finds them scratchy when you go down on her."

Tate straightened up, his face flaming red. "God, I don't know how people can stand that mouth of yours."

"Mai wasn't complaining last night."

Nao looked smug as Natsuki chuckled and Takeda barked out a laugh. "Burn, man," he commented to Tate.

Tate half-smiled and shook his head. "Okay, I left myself wide open for that one."

"That's funny, Mai left herself wide open for me, too." Nao smirked.

Tate scowled. "Hey, that's enough!"

"Yeah, that's what Mai—" Nao's eyes widened when a police car turned the corner. She kicked Natsuki's leg. "Cops are here."

Takeda immediately jumped up. "We have to leave now!"

Natsuki got out of the car and shut the door. "Relax, it's just a patrol. Just act normal and they won't bother us. I'll finish when they leave."

Nao flicked her cigarette to the cement and crushed it underneath her heel. "That's not going to work—it's Sakomizu."

Natsuki paused and set her beer on the roof of the car before crouching down to keep out of sight. "Fuck. It's too late to move now; he'll see me."

Nao peered down at her. "You really think squatting down is going to hide you?"

Natsuki waved her off. "As long as he doesn't get out of the car, we're fine." She contemplated her options. "Nao, you're a fantastic bullshitter, so do the talking—but don't get too flippant. We don't want him hanging around any longer than necessary. Tate, control Nao if she starts to shoot her mouth off, and Takeda, shut the fuck up."

Takeda looked offended. "Why can't I say anything?"

"Because you're a whiny bitch," Nao snapped. Her expression immediately rearranged into a more pleasant one when the cop car stopped next to them. Sakomizu rolled down the window and poked his head out to scowl at Nao.

"Hello, Officer. How are you on this fine night?" Nao asked.

Sakomizu looked at Tate and Takeda suspiciously. "Where's Kuga?"

"Why, I'm doing quite well, thanks for asking," Nao said cheerfully. Natsuki rolled her eyes and pinched Nao's leg. Nao grimaced, but quickly recovered. "She's not here."

"I can see that." Sakomizu squinted at the redhead. "Where is she?"

"I think she mentioned something about volunteering at a soup kitchen tonight. Helping out the homeless and being an upstanding citizen, you know the drill."

Sakomizu narrowed his eyes. Tate imperceptibly rolled his eyes. "Nao's just kidding. Natsuki's out of town, won't be back for a while."

The chunky policeman frowned. "What are you three doing around that car?"

"It's mine. We're just waiting for another friend to show up before we go hit up the clubs," Nao lied. Tate and Takeda nodded.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, that's so." Nao frowned at the figure sitting beside Sakomizu. It was clearly a woman, but her face was hidden by the shadows. "Hey, where's Yamada?"

"Retired," Sakomizu grunted. "So does this 'friend' of yours," he airquoted friend, "happen to be wealthy?"

Nao sighed dramatically. "I make friends based on the content of their character, not the content of their wallets, Officer. It would be rather rude of me to demand an account of their savings and expenditures, don't you think?"

"Think you're so smart, don't you, Yuuki?" Sakomizu growled. "I'm asking because I find it hard to believe that a teenage punk like you can afford a BMW."

"It was a gift," Nao replied without hesitation.

Sakomizu angrily opened his mouth, but the mysterious woman put her hand on his arm. "If I may?"

Sakomizu grudgingly nodded. "Go ahead, rookie."

The woman leaned towards the window. Nao's eyes widened as the light from the streetlamp above slowly crept up the woman's face, revealing a brilliant, white smile, flawless nose, and the most intense crimson eyes she'd ever seen. Tate's jaw hung open, while Takeda immediately dropped his can of beer. Natsuki shifted impatiently, unable to see what was going on; why the hell weren't her friends speaking?

"Holy shit, you're hot," Nao blurted out. "Sakomizu, why didn't you get her as your partner before?" She looked at Shizuru. "Officer Hottie, the things I'd let you do to me— "

"Hey! You will treat Officer Fujino with proper respect!" Sakomizu barked out.

"Ara, thank you for the compliment." Shizuru nodded towards the beers that Nao and Tate were holding, completely ignoring the can Takeda had dropped. "I trust you are of legal drinking age?"

Nao scoffed. "Of course we are! Who do you take us for, complete barbarians?"

Shizuru laughed. Natsuki's ears perked up at the melodic sound. Sakomizu's partner sounded a lot different than his scratchy wheeze or Yamada's tired drawl. And her accent! Practically made shivers go up Natsuki's spine, and she hadn't even seen the woman yet.

Shizuru looked at Nao with sparkling eyes. "Excellent. Then I shall move onto the next question: why do you have two beers in front of you?"

One can was Nao's, of course, and the other…was Natsuki's. The can she'd so stupidly forgotten about.

Natsuki froze. Nao's gaze shot between the two cans resting on the car's roof. Tate looked away. Takeda whimpered. _Shit_, was the thought running simultaneously through their minds.

"She likes her alcohol?" Tate ventured weakly.

Shizuru raised her eyebrows in disbelief. Nao rolled her eyes. "Alright, Officer Hottie, since your observation skills are obviously as great as your tits, I'll tell you the truth. The truth is…" Nao paused. "I just _really_ like my alcohol, so I need a can for each hand."

Sakomizu and Shizuru exchanged looks before both of them exited the police car.

Natsuki shot up and was halfway down the block before anyone could blink. "RUN!" Nao sprinted after her, quickly followed by Tate and Takeda.

Sakomizu and Shizuru were after them in a flash. Natsuki didn't bother looking back, sure that her friends were right behind her and unwilling to spare precious seconds on looking back to check. She would escape; she knew this neighborhood like the back of her hand!

Natsuki made a sharp right into the same alley where she had drawn graffiti of Sakomizu. Part of her was pleased to see it was still there, though the other part was more focused on getting away.

Natsuki clambered onto the dumpster and hopped over the fence, quickly followed by Nao, Tate, and Takeda. She looked back in relief, expecting to see no one—after all, Sakomizu was nearing middle-age and definitely not in the best of shape—but relief turned into shock when she saw that Officer Hottie, Fujino or whatever, had been right on their tail.

Shock turned into horror when the woman completely bypassed the dumpster, instead using her momentum from running to jump onto the fence and swing her body over the top.

Aw, fuck. Natsuki sprinted down the alley.

"She climbs like a fucking cheetah!" She heard Takeda wail.

"Cheetahs don't climb, dumbass," Nao snapped. Tate, the man bringing up the rear, knocked over several garbage cans in hopes of detaining this new threat for a few precious seconds.

No such luck. Fujino hurdled over the mounds of garbage like they were mere cracks in the sidewalk. Nao groaned. "Christ! I lied, I want Yamada back—she's like the freaking Terminator!"

Natsuki turned the corner and skidded into another alley. There was a fire escape at the end, a literal ladder to heaven, their ticket to freedom!

Her sides were in stitches and her lungs felt too small for her body. Note to self: cut back on the cigarettes.

She was so close to the fire escape when she heard a loud "Shit!" Looking back, she saw that Takeda had tripped over his own clumsy feet and fallen to his knees. Usually, the general rule was every person for themself, but Takeda caught her eye and gave her a pleading glance.

Natsuki hesitated, looking between the fire escape and her fallen friend before making her choice.

"Where you going?" Nao shouted when Natsuki ran past her and Tate in the opposite direction.

"Takeda's ass needs saving! Go, fire escape, I'll catch up!"

Nao easily jumped for the bottom of the ladder and pulled herself up, quickly followed by Tate. They quickly reached the roof and disappeared as Natsuki gripped Takeda by the arm and dragged him upright. "Let's go!"

"Stop! In the name of the law, you're under arrest!" She heard Officer Hottie shout behind them. Natsuki rolled her eyes. Jesus H. Christ, what a lame slogan.

Takeda regained his balance and was now ahead of Natsuki, thanks to his longer legs. He reached the fire escape before her and quickly jumped and climbed up the ladder. Then, to Natsuki's complete disbelief, he pulled the ladder up out of reach.

"Takeda! What the hell are you doing?" She shouted.

Takeda gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry! Nao was right, though, she's like the Terminator—she just won't stop until she catches one of us! I'm sorry, Natsuki." He turned and fled up the fire escape.

"Bastard! When I catch you, you're dead!" Natsuki yelled after him. She stiffened when she heard an ominous click.

"Hands in the air. Turn around."

Natsuki slowly raised her hands and turned around. Officer Hottie was pointing a gun at her, panting slightly from exertion.

Natsuki took a slight step back, halting when the gun aimed directly at her chest. "Don't move," the police officer warned.

"Officer Fujino, was it?" Natsuki lightly queried.

"You're observant." Shizuru's hands tightened on the gun.

"I try. Anyways, you're new here. Is this really worth your time?"

"I would think so—after all, I am getting paid for it." A hint of amusement had crept into Shizuru's tone.

Natsuki smiled disarmingly at her. "Yes, but arresting me? I'm underage, Officer; the most I'll get is a slap on the wrist, maybe a fine. You, on the other hand, will have to deal with getting me processed, putting me in a holding cell, spending at least a few hours writing up a report, and then for all your hard work, you'll get to watch me walk free at the end of today."

"Ara, you're quite the talker, Natsuki Kuga."

"My reputation precedes me? I'm flattered." Natsuki preened.

"You're rather infamous, I'm afraid. Officer Sakomizu has made it his life goal to see you in jail." Shizuru holstered her gun and pulled out her handcuffs. "Hands behind your back. Face the wall."

Natsuki made a face and dropped her hands. "See, that's not going to happen." She pulled out a gun from where it had been tucked under her shirt and pointed it at Shizuru.

She expected Shizuru to freeze. She expected Shizuru to retreat, perhaps calling for backup on her radio. What she did _not_ expect, however, was for Officer Hottie to lunge forward, grip her gun hand by the wrist, and twist violently, causing Natsuki to drop the gun with a cry of pain. The next thing Natsuki knew, she was eating brick.

Her face was pressed against the alley wall as Shizuru handcuffed her. "I suspect you'll be in a holding cell for much longer than a day," Shizuru said pleasantly. "You're under arrest on charges of attempted grand theft auto, attempted grand larceny, resisting arrest, assault on a police officer, aggravated assault and battery—"

Natsuki mumbled something. Shizuru frowned and leaned forward. "Pardon?"

Natsuki turned her head with some effort to glare at Shizuru. "I _said_, you're adding charges. Aggravated assault and battery implies I harmed you physically, which I clearly didn't."

Shizuru arched an eyebrow but chose to ignore her comment. Instead, she pressed against Natsuki's back and purred in her ear, "Ara, that does not erase the fact Natsuki pointed a gun at me. Natsuki deserves to be punished, no?"

Natsuki's eyebrows nearly flew off her face. "W-what?" She became acutely aware of the provocative position they were in—her pressed up against the wall—in handcuffs, no less, and every inch of Shizuru pressed up against her back. What was going on?

Shizuru used her foot to kick Natsuki's feet apart. "I'm going to have to check you for weapons." She slowly slid down into a crouch, her breasts pressed against Natsuki's back all the way.

Natsuki's mouth turned dry when she felt stiff nipples brushing down her back. "H-hey, this isn't part of the procedure—"

Shizuru sensuously slid her hands up the insides of Natsuki's legs, relishing in the way Natsuki's knees buckled. "Ara? A weapons check is definitely part of police procedure, I assure you."

"N-not like that!" She gasped when Shizuru squeezed her ass.

"Does Natsuki have a problem with my methods?" Natsuki shivered at the melodious voice husking into her ear.

Natsuki's response turned into a strangled moan when Shizuru's fingers drummed against the front of her pants and began toying with the zipper—

"Well done, Shizuru!" Sakomizu's boisterous voice intruded. "Let's take her down to the station!"

Natsuki embarrassingly squeaked when Shizuru's hands suddenly jerked her away from the wall by the collar. She craned her neck to gape at Shizuru, but there was only an infuriating smirk on Shizuru's lips. The policewoman seemed unaffected, but the same could not be said for Natsuki—her knees had practically turned to rubber from being so turned on, and she dazedly allowed Shizuru to drag her to the waiting police car and throw her in the backseat.

* * *

"Well done, rookie! You got Kuga!" were the cheers that greeted Shizuru as she walked Natsuki into the station. Shizuru accepted the praise with slight confusion—Natsuki Kuga was just another teenage delinquent, so why did everyone seem so damn pleased?

Shizuru paused to stop by Reito Kanzaki's desk and gave him Natsuki's gun. "Can you send this to Evidence? It's Kuga's gun." Natsuki scowled darkly and looked away.

Reito nodded. "Will do. Hello, Natsuki." He smirked.

"Hello, Dickhead," Natsuki responded in a bored tone.

Reito chuckled. "Take her to the Chief's office, would you?"

Natsuki paled while Shizuru frowned. "Not a holding cell?" Shizuru asked.

"No, the Chief wants to see her."

Natsuki twisted her head to look at Shizuru. "Take me to a holding cell," she begged.

Shizuru ignored Natsuki and headed for the door marked 'Chief of Police.' Natsuki tried to drag her feet along the way to stop Shizuru from moving.

Shizuru rolled her eyes and hissed in Natsuki's ear, "Don't make me Tase you!"

"Is that a euphemism for 'don't make me grope the shit out of you?'" Natsuki hissed back. Shizuru merely opened the door, announced "Natsuki Kuga to see you, ma'am," and shoved Natsuki inside before slamming the door shut.

Natsuki gulped and turned around. "Hey, Mom, long time no see."

_-000-000-_

Shizuru sighed and took a seat next to her desk partner. "What is it about that Kuga girl?"

Reito looked up from his paperwork. "She's a real pain in the ass for us. Her little gang does a lot of annoying shit." He shuffled his papers. "Though, funny thing about that gun you gave me? It was empty."

Shizuru frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The kid carries around an unloaded gun. Her bark is worse than her bite, I guess." He snorted in amusement.

"I just don't understand why everyone was so happy to see her caught. Yes, she seems rather smart for a delinquent, but even the Chief wanted to see her!"

Reito shrugged. "Well, who doesn't want to see their own kid?"

Shizuru froze. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, Natsuki Kuga is the Chief's estranged daughter. I thought you knew that?"

Shizuru sat in shock. She just arrested Natsuki Kuga, the Chief's daughter. And maybe touched her in inappropriate places. Natsuki Kuga. The Chief's daughter. The words all strung together in Shizuru's mind. Holy fucking hell, she just _molested_ the Chief's daughter!

* * *

_Breaking rocks in the hot sun! I fought the law and the law won! I fought the law, and the law won... :|_


	7. Chapter 7: Gold and Glory

_Hello, thanks for dropping by! Your reviews were as awesome as always :) Alrighty, to comment on a few things:_

_1. Totally did not expect 'The Shark Keeper' to be the most popular. Partially inspired when I was bothering one of my friends who works at an aquarium, and she threatened to throw me in the shark tank if I didn't leave her alone. (The shark was named after my mother, by the way. Love her to bits, but she can become absolutely bloodthirsty on occasion.)_

_2. Got myself a LiveJournal! I have no idea how to use it, but it's under my homepage. Give it a look-see, yeah? I might periodically post up snippets of upcoming fics there, test out the audience's reactions and somesuch…  
_

_3. So far, I have no real inclination to expand any of my one-shots into full stories. Certainly not 'The Shark Keeper;' I feel I'd mess it up horribly and everyone would hate me._

_4. I should really be writing my college admissions essays instead of this crap. On another note, I think I would be a horrible mother…I get so ashamed of my writing when I reread it; imagine how I'd feel about my kids. They'd probably need some serious therapy. "My mother was terrible! She never stuck around because we bored her!"  
_

_5. Huh? Are you still reading this instead of the following one-shot I wrote during my insomnia? For shame!_

* * *

Natsuki carefully stepped on a protruding tile and held her breath. The muggy jungle air remained still around her, the temple as undisturbed as it had been for nearly a thousand years.

Sweat dripped down her brow, but Natsuki was too focused on her footing to wipe it away. The smallest misstep could set off any of the traps that this ancient temple had.

The small, golden idol of a fertility goddess smugly grinned down at her from its pedestal. Picking up a stone roughly the size of the idol, Natsuki took a moment to focus herself before quickly switching around the items. She waited with bated breath to see if any traps would be set off. After several seconds, Natsuki relaxed. Nothing.

She held up the golden idol and smirked at it. "Hello, gorgeous."

"Hello," a voice purred behind her.

Natsuki jumped when a whip cracked in her ear, wrapping around the idol and jerking it out of her hand. She spun around, revolver in hand, but the whip curled around that, too. Natsuki winced when her gun clattered to the ground, but it luckily did not set off a trap.

"Viola!" Natsuki glared at a tall, beautiful brunette smiling cockily at her, whip unfurled in one hand and Natsuki's statue in the other.

"Kruger. Fancy seeing you here," Shizuru said loftily. She placed the statue in her sack and pulled out her revolver from its holster.

"Give. That. Back." Natsuki growled.

"Hmm…no. There are quite a few people who would pay a handsome sum for this."

"Yeah, that's why I was hired!" Natsuki snapped. "I was here first, Viola. Go find your own treasure."

"Well, I _did_ discover the crown of Nefertiti—but then _somebody_ stole it from me." Shizuru mockingly tapped her chin in thought. "Wait a minute, wasn't that you?"

There was a strained silence. "I don't know what you're talking about," Natsuki muttered. She eyed the whip in Shizuru's hand. "The whip's new."

"I recently discovered it could be quite handy. It makes excavating so much easier."

"Excavating? You mean tomb-raiding," Natsuki said dryly. She surreptitiously inched closer to her revolver.

"Excavating sounds so much better. And if you move an inch closer to the left, you're going to set off a trap."

Natsuki stilled. "So what do you propose we do?"

Shizuru raised her eyebrow. "I leave first. You count to thirty before following. We go our separate ways, hopefully to never see each other again."

"Excellent plan. If you just hand me my statue, we can get this party started."

"You're hardly in any position to make demands," Shizuru said, looking amused.

Natsuki sighed. "I thought you would say that." She deliberately took a step to the left. The stone tile beneath her foot let out a little hiss of air as it sunk underneath her weight.

Shizuru flinched. Natsuki tensed, preparing for spears to start flying, a black abyss to appear beneath their feet, maybe even for a giant boulder drop from the ceiling and roll towards them. But nothing happened.

Shizuru slowly straightened up. "Well, that was anticlimactic." She raised her gun and fired.

Natsuki frantically looked down at herself, expecting blood to start spreading on the front of her shirt. Shizuru rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to shoot you—yet. Consider that a warning."

Natsuki turned around to see Shizuru had shot the small decoy stone off the pedestal. It was, Natsuki hated to admit, an impressive shot. She scowled at the brunette, who merely flashed her a smug smile and turned to leave.

There was a harsh grating sound. Shizuru and Natsuki froze in their respective spots. The pedestal was lowering into the ground, sliding into place with a click. Then all hell broke lose.

The temple began to crumble in on itself, heavy stone blocks falling from the ceiling. Natsuki narrowly dodged a giant chunk of rock. "Way to bring the house down, Viola," she deadpanned.

Shizuru rolled to the side to avoid being crushed. "When you're done being a smartass, let me know. I could use a sidekick nowadays." She took off down a corridor.

"As if I'd ever work for you. What happened to the loudmouth blonde?" Natsuki sprinted after Shizuru, jumping over a spear that suddenly jutted out from the wall.

"She got held back by a few things in Cairo." Shizuru ducked a blade that suddenly swung down from the ceiling. "You wouldn't happen to know about that, would you?"

"Nope, not me." Natsuki nearly fell into the pit of vipers that suddenly opened up before her.

"I don't believe you." Shizuru paused at a fork in the path before jumping back from a burst of flame shot out of the wall. She frantically patted out her smoking shirt before choosing the left corridor.

"Wrong way, Viola!" Natsuki shouted after her. Hang on, what was this? Natsuki bent down and picked up Shizuru's bag; the strap had been burned clean through. She smirked; karma was a delicious thing.

"No, it's not!" Shizuru ran on, oblivious to the loss of her bag.

Natsuki shrugged. "Invite me to your funeral!" She ran to the right.

And it turned out going to the right was…well, not right. Natsuki scowled as she came face to face with a yawning chasm, too far to jump across. She could see the small rectangle of light that marked an exit twinkle mockingly at her from across the small canyon. "Well, damn."

"Lose your way?" A voice said behind her.

Natsuki ignored Shizuru as the brunette sauntered up next to her. "No. Go away."

"Looks like you need rescuing." Shizuru peered over the edge and kicked a small stone into the abyss. It quickly disappeared out of sight.

"Unless you suddenly sprouted wings and learned how to fly, you're in the same predicament as I am. Why did you even follow me?"

"You have my bag."

"Which contains _my_ artifact."

"No, artifacts belong in a museum. Treasure, on the other hand, is fair game."

Natsuki frowned as the temple began to rumble ominously. A large chunk of stone crashed to the ground behind them, effectively blocking off the doorway behind them. "Great. Now what?"

Shizuru lashed out with her whip. The end wrapped around a stone ledge protruding from the wall several times. She tugged it twice to make sure it was secure before turning to Natsuki with a raised eyebrow. "Coming?"

Natsuki scowled. "You are out of your mind if you think I'm going to swing across on a piece of string—"

She yelped when Shizuru suddenly wrapped an arm around her waist and jumped. "Put me down!" She looked down to see jagged rocks greeting her at the bottom of the canyon. "Wait, don't put me down!"

They miraculously landed safely on the other side of the gap. Shizuru flicked her wrist to unwrap the whip from the ledge and coiled it neatly. Natsuki gaped at her. "I want one."

Natsuki was reminded of the temple falling to ruins around her when another tremor knocked both women off their feet. She scrambled upright and dashed for the exit, Shizuru hot on her heels.

Natsuki sighed in relief when they reached the jungle outside just in time. "That was close—" At the sound of a pistol cock, Natsuki spun around with her own revolver drawn.

"My bag, please." Shizuru held out her hand, her gun pointed steadily at Natsuki.

"Or what, you'll shoot me? Not the best plan, in my opinion." Natsuki's gun remained unwavering.

"No, _I'll_ shoot you," another voice said behind Natsuki. Natsuki stiffened at the sensation of a gun digging into her back.

Shizuru smiled at the person behind Natsuki. "Thank you, Mr. Kanzaki. Kruger, have you met my driver?"

Natsuki gritted her teeth as a tall man plucked the gun and bag from her hands and began to tie her wrists together with rope. "No. Kanzaki, was it?"

"Pleasure to meet you." Reito smiled genially at her as he tied the knots extra-tightly. He stepped back and hopped into a waiting Jeep.

Shizuru smirked at Natsuki. "I've decided to keep your legs free because I'm not totally heartless. The nearest town is twenty miles that way. However—" She checked her watch. "—night will fall in a few hours. I would hurry if I were you; this is jaguar territory." She kissed an irate Natsuki on the cheek and swung herself into the passenger seat. "See you later, Kruger!"

Natsuki glowered at the Jeep as it drove away. "I really hate that woman."

_-000-000-_

The next night found Natsuki seated in a local bar of some little town. After some crafty machinations to free herself, least of which included using a giant anteater's claws to sever her bonds, Natsuki had followed Shizuru's trail to this small town. Now all she had to do was find that damn woman and get her statue back.

Natsuki turned around and raised her empty shot glass to the waiter, motioning for another one. When she turned back, Shizuru was casually sitting across from her. Natsuki raised her eyebrows. "I thought you'd be out of the country by now."

"Complications arose, plans were changed." Shizuru leaned back in her chair and stretched out her legs. "You made it here much earlier than I expected; kudos to you. Can I get you a drink?"

"No, but you can give me my statue back."

"Predictable as always. Unfortunately, I don't have it."

"Then who—" Natsuki was struck by a sudden thought. "Kanzaki."

"I suspect he's halfway across the continent right about now." The waiter arrived and placed the shot on the table. Shizuru swiped it and downed it.

Natsuki glared at her. "So why are you still here?"

"Someone tipped off the authorities to treasure hunters in the area, so now a warrant's been issued for any female who is in her mid-to-late twenties, dark-haired, and traveling alone. That same someone also held me at gunpoint before walking off with _my_ fertility idol."

Natsuki took several seconds to process Shizuru's droll response before chuckling darkly. "Kanzaki stabbed you in the back? Serves you right."

Shizuru sighed impatiently. "You do realize the warrant's description includes you, too?"

"So what? I just got here. I can leave this place right now and it's likely no one will remember seeing me."

Shizuru narrowed her eyes. "Fine. If I get arrested, I'm naming you as my accomplice."

The smirk slid off Natsuki's face. "You can't do that! What happened to honor among thieves?"

"Not worth getting caught, I'm afraid. And in a town this small, chances are high you won't even make it out of this bar by yourself." Shizuru nodded towards the entrance.

Natsuki looked over her shoulder to see two police officers conversing with the bartender. The bartender seemed to consider something before nodding toward their table.

"Son of a bitch," Natsuki complained under her breath when the two police officers began to walk toward them.

Shizuru winked at her. "Follow my lead."

"What are you—" Natsuki's eyes widened in shock when Shizuru suddenly straddled her lap and pulled her in for a kiss. Green eyes slowly closed as she began to enthusiastically return the kiss.

"AAAAND CUT! That's a wrap, people!" A loud voice hollered. The police officers, bartender, and surrounding patrons stopped all their motions and began walking off set, chatting amongst each other about the scene that just occurred.

The director, a portly man with an afro, peered at the two actresses still lip-locked. "Filming's done for the day, ladies. You can stop now." Beside him, a woman with short red hair smirked at his obliviousness.

Shizuru threw her arms around Natsuki's neck and let out an exaggerated "mwah!" causing the dark-haired woman to start laughing. Shizuru pulled back with a broad smile. "Good work today, Miss Kuga."

Natsuki tipped an imaginary hat. "And you as well, Miss Fujino."

Nao, the assistant director, rolled her eyes at their flirtatious antics. "Shizuru, if you're done sitting in Natsuki's lap, the costume designer had some questions for you."

Shizuru immediately stood up, her renowned professionalism coming into play. "Of course. I had several suggestions of my own, actually." With a wink and a suggestive "I'll see you later" to Natsuki, Shizuru left the set.

Nao raised an eyebrow at Natsuki. Natsuki shrugged. "She wants to go out for sushi tonight. Am I supposed to refuse my coworker?"

"Uh-huh. You two sleeping together yet?"

Natsuki frowned. "How many times do I have to say it? We're just friends!"

"Right, and my father is the pope." Nao sat down in the fake prop chair next to Natsuki's. "She _is_ out of your league, though."

"Hey!"

Nao shrugged. "Reputation-wise, I mean. She's an A-list actress who's been in movies since she was four; you're just some unknown new kid who's never even been in a school play."

"So why'd you ask if we were sleeping together?" Natsuki asked grumpily.

Nao ticked the reasons off her fingers. "The sexual tension is palpable both on and off camera, you two look good together, you kiss each other longer than is necessary for scenes, you're the first person I've seen her goof off with while on set, you can't stop staring at her when she's using the whip—"

Natsuki waved her off. "We're just acting."

"I can see the headlines now: Love Blossoms on Set! Two Most Eligible Bachelorettes Find Love in Each Other; Men Everywhere Weep! A True Fairytale Story—"

"Shh!" Natsuki hissed at Nao. "The last thing we need is someone to overhear and start false rumors."

"Can you imagine all the free publicity it would generate?" Nao mused. "The buzz around this project would become huge! Bigger than it already is, I mean. You two could become the next "it" celebrity couple!"

Natsuki rolled her eyes and stood up to leave. "Stick to directing, Nao; you'd be a terrible publicist."

"It'd be great production value," Nao called after her. She paused to think. "Wait! You didn't answer my question!"

"Which one?"

"Are you sleeping together?"

Natsuki didn't bother looking back, merely waving as she left the building.

She wrenched open the door of her trailer and slammed it shut behind her. Her braid was coming loose and she was still slightly sweaty from filming. Natsuki contemplated taking a shower when a familiar voice caused her head to snap up.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love your costume?" Shizuru's eyes trailed over Natsuki's form appreciatively, tilting up Natsuki's fedora to see her face better.

"For an actress, you're really obvious, Shizuru," Natsuki said dryly. "Nao just asked me if we were sleeping together."

"Again?" Shizuru looked amused. "What did Natsuki say?"

"I didn't really answer, but a 'no' was implied."

"Is that so? Natsuki should be punished for lying." Shizuru had her trapped against the door.

Natsuki smirked. "I didn't exactly lie. And the punishment will have to wait until after I shower." She pushed Shizuru back several steps and headed for the bathroom.

Natsuki heard a sharp crack before feeling something wrap snugly around her waist. She stared at the whip coiled around her in shock before turning to look at Shizuru incredulously. "You actually know how to use that thing?" That was…ridiculously hot.

"I am a woman of many talents," Shizuru said sagely before dragging Natsuki in closer to show her firsthand how—ahem—"talented" she could be.

* * *

_Betcha can't guess what my favorite movie is, lol :)_

_You can review to say you liked the story. Or hated it. Or just to say hi, I like those reviews, too. Or hey, you can even talk about yourself! Feel free to brag—I do it all the time! :P_

_I'll start! So when I was vacationing, I decided to carry around my sinfully-adorable baby cousin around so that girls would come up to me to coo at him…you know, in case my charm and quick wit (haha NOT) just weren't enough to reel in the ladies. And hey, you might call it child labor, but it worked a surprising number of times! He is now my favorite cousin. So the moral of the story is: Babies are great props for meeting girls. True story. ;) _


	8. Chapter 8: Fairytales Revisited

_This story hasn't seen the light of day for a while, has it? Thanks for your reviews for the last chappie, and hello to my fellow Indiana Jones fans! Fun fact about me: my friends don't call me by my real name, they call me by my dog's name, just like Indiana Jones (I have no idea why, though, because it's not like my name is unique/weird [quite the opposite, actually] or hard to say or anything.) Anyway, it's just one more thing Indiana Jones and I have in common, besides our mutual awesomeness ;) _

_The following story is, in my humble opinion, straight up crack. I may or may not have been completely sober when I wrote it, but they're basically ShizNat fairytale vignettes—I'm sure you can guess what the originals were. Enjoy…?_

* * *

I.

Shizuru hummed to herself as she brushed her long, luxurious locks—her _really_ long, luxurious locks.

"Shizuru, Shizuru, let down your hair!" A familiar voice called out from down below.

Shizuru placed her brush down and walked to the window of the tower that had been her home and jail cell for, well, a really long time. She poked her head out the window to see Natsuki smiling up at her from the ground.

"Are you going to let me up?" Natsuki shouted.

"After I finish brushing my hair," Shizuru responded playfully.

Natsuki rolled her eyes. "Let me rephrase: are you going to let me up sometime this century?"

Shizuru lowered her hair out the window and patiently waited for Natsuki to climb the makeshift ladder. A minute later, Natsuki came through the window and collapsed at Shizuru's feet, panting in exhaustion. "Your hair smells nice."

"Thank you." Shizuru dragged Natsuki in for a kiss. After several minutes into a rather—_ahem_—enthusiastic greeting, they had to separate for air.

"Shizuru, when are you going to tell your evil stepmother about us?" Natsuki asked, suddenly serious.

"You know I can't yet. I'm not supposed to have suitors in my tower."

"Suitor? Is that all I am?" Natsuki grumbled.

"And love of my life," Shizuru corrected herself.

"Much better. So when will I be allowed to steal you away from here?"

Shizuru shrugged. "You have to pass some test, apparently. I don't know what it is, though."

Natsuki sat down in a huff. "I don't want some moron who passed a test to marry you—_I_ want to marry you."

"I'd want to marry me, too," Shizuru said.

Natsuki scowled. "What if I just kidnapped you?"

"Ooh, so forceful." Shizuru fluttered her eyelashes and laughed at Natsuki's annoyed expression before erasing it with a kiss.

They broke apart when there was a loud _clink_ at the window. Natsuki raised an eyebrow at the grappling hook that was now attached to the windowsill. "What the hell is that?"

Natsuki and Shizuru watched in bewilderment as grunt of exertion became audible, growing louder as the mysterious climber grew closer. Finally, a teal-haired woman came into view and struck a pose on the windowsill. "Shizuru! My love, I have come to rescue you!"

"Who the hell are you?" Natsuki demanded incredulously.

"I am Lady Tomoe, the knight who has won the fair Shizuru's hand," the woman loudly proclaimed.

"I think you have the wrong tower," Shizuru said slowly. "Perhaps you should try the next one, Lady Tomoe."

Tomoe pompously shook her head. "Your adoring mother has proclaimed that the first person to brave through the perilous path to reach the peak of your tower is entitled to your hand in marriage."

"My evil stepmother said _what_?" Shizuru asked in disbelief.

Natsuki peered out the window and saw the dangerously sharp thorns encircling the tower for the first time. "Huh, never noticed those before."

"And you are?" Tomoe snapped at Natsuki.

Natsuki ignored her question. "So let me get this straight. The first person to reach this tower, the one you and I are both standing in, gets to marry Shizuru because her evil stepmother said so?"

"Yes."

"Okay, just wanted to make sure." Natsuki stepped forward and unceremoniously shoved a shocked Tomoe off the windowsill before turning to Shizuru. "I guess you have to marry me now, huh?"

Shizuru sighed loudly. "Oh, well, I guess I could do worse."

"Is that any way to treat your rescuer?" Natsuki scolded Shizuru before dipping her backwards for a kiss.

* * *

II.

Princess Shizuru hacked her way through the forest of thorns, her sword a blur in air. Playing the role of a glorified gardener was not what she had in mind when she decided to visit an old ally—surely the Kruger Kingdom, reclusive as they were, could afford a _few_ landscapers.

Shizuru brought up a shield just in time to block the ball of fire that had been launched at her. _Of course_ there couldn't be a normal garden pest, like a rabbit or a hedgehog—noooo, there had to be a motherfreakin' _dragon_.

She blew a strand of hair out of her face in annoyance. There'd better be a damn banquet thrown in her honor for killing this dragon.

_-000-000-_

Sweaty, dirty, and slightly singed, Shizuru grumpily stomped into the entrance hall and sheathed her sword. Her footsteps echoed in the corridors she had been traversing for several minutes. Where were the castle's inhabitants? She threw open the doors of what seemed to be the throne room and strode in. Empty, empty, all empty! Except for the two people who just happened to be wearing crowns, snoozing in their thrones—

Hold up. Shizuru backtracked. King and Queen Kruger were snoring away, oblivious to the foreign princess standing before them. Shizuru's face twisted in confusion—what the hell was going on in this castle?

She made her way up a spiraling staircase, curious to see what lay in the highest tower. She failed to hear a small "pop!" as two tiny winged figures suddenly appeared out of thin air and began to stealthily follow her.

Shizuru ended up at an ornate wooden door. She briefly considered knocking before shaking her head; anyone inside would probably be asleep. Instead, Shizuru pushed open the door and strolled in.

One of the fairies disapprovingly shook her mane of blonde hair. "She acts like she owns the place! Yukino, why aren't we teaching this delinquent a lesson?"

The brunette fairy shushed her. "Keep your voice down, Haruka, or she'll hear us!"

Shizuru, however, was far too preoccupied with the sight in front of her: a beautiful woman was in peaceful slumber on a comfy-looking bed. Dark hair, pale skin—had to be Princess Natsuki. Shizuru's eyebrows rose appreciatively—for the love of all that was holy, the girl got _hot._

Shizuru leaned forward and lightly shook the sleeping princess. "Natsuki, wake up! It's Shizuru! Remember me?" She paused. Natsuki softly grumbled something before turning over and letting out a light snore.

Shizuru furrowed her brow. A faint memory of being told some old folktale floated to the forefront of her mind…it had to do with a cursed sleep, never to be broken until—"True love's kiss," Shizuru remembered aloud. She looked at the dark-haired princess dubiously before shrugging. She slowly bent down towards Natsuki's face, getting closer and closer to pink lips—

"PERVERT!" Someone bellowed behind her.

Shizuru jumped a foot in the air. She watched bemusedly as a small, blonde, _angry_ fairy zoomed up in her face and began to rant heatedly, shimmery wings vibrating in agitation.

Yukino sighed. This was _not_ how it was supposed to go.

* * *

III.

Shizuru was riding though the forest on her majestic white horse when she was suddenly stopped short. Literally. An extremely small redhead was blocking her way.

"Princess, we need your help!" The tiny woman exclaimed.

Shizuru chivalrously dismounted. "What can I do for you, my good midget?"

The redhead's face contorted in rage. "The name's Nao, and I prefer the term '_dwarf_,' you idiot." She paused. "I mean, your Highness."

"I supposed anyone would be high compared to you," Shizuru mused.

Nao gritted her teeth. "Follow me, your Majesty."

Shizuru shrugged and followed the midg—the dwarf. What harm could it do? It wasn't like Nao was going to ask her to do something impossible, like bring someone back to life or anything. She probably just needed help reaching something from the top of her cupboard.

They walked into a small clearing, where 6 other dwarves were kneeling around…a glass coffin holding a pale, dark-haired woman?

"We need you to bring out friend back to life," Nao explained. Shizuru wanted to smack herself.

"Did you call the doctor?" she asked.

Nao snorted. "Are you kidding? We'd have to pay an arm and a leg to get a doctor this far out in the woods." One of the dwarves, another redhead, stood up and approached them. Nao introduced her as Mai.

"Are you all related?" Shizuru wondered out loud.

"Jeez, just because we're all dwarves doesn't mean we're related," Nao grumbled.

"But in this case, we are. Dwarfism is hereditary," Mai politely supplied.

Shizuru nodded. "It's a small world after all."

Nao rolled her eyes. "Can you save her?" She asked, referring to Natsuki.

Shizuru frowned. "That's a tall order."

"Will you quit it with the height jokes?" Nao snapped.

"I made no such jests. There's really no need to get short with me."

Mai stepped between them. "Can you save Natsuki, your Majesty?"

Shizuru relented. "What can I do to help?"

"You have to kiss her."

Shizuru blinked. "You want me to…kiss her?" _Necrophiliac dwarves, _her mind screamed.

"What, are you deaf or something?" Nao snapped.

"Speak up, I can't hear you from down there," Shizuru replied mildly.

"You're the princess. There's something about royalty that a kiss from a royal supposedly wakes any person up from a coma."

"Must be all that inbreeding among themselves," Nao snarked.

Mai sighed. "Can you guys stop butting heads for two seconds?"

"We are not butting heads, madam. I would have to stoop to Nao's level to resort to such a thing, and that would hurt my back."

"Wow, Mai, our future ruler is also a comedian. We should all be so lucky."

Shizuru sighed. "So how did your friend come to that state?"

"She ate a poisoned apple," Mai explained.

Shizuru frowned. "Did you try the Heimlich maneuver?"

"She wasn't choking, doofus," Nao muttered. Mai smacked her.

Shizuru sighed again. She might as well give this a shot. She strode toward the coffin and looked at the reclining figure dubiously. She hesitantly leaned down. As her lips grew closer and closer to the other woman's, she had the strangest sense of déjà vu—

"PERVERT!" Haruka jumped out from behind the bushes and pointed at her accusingly.

Next to her, Yukino facepalmed.

* * *

IV.

Natsuki smiled at the gorgeous woman sitting across from her in the rowboat. She didn't speak, yeah, but so what? She had the most beautiful crimson eyes Natsuki had ever seen—though Natsuki swore she had seen them somewhere before. Maybe in a dream?

They smiled shyly at each other as Natsuki rowed them into a secluded lagoon encircled by mangrove trees. Twilight had fallen and brought with it a nighttime coolness that chased away the humidity of the day. The other woman seemed content to look around and trail her fingers in the water, but Natsuki fidgeted in her seat. Should she make a move? She didn't want to scare her off, though, and Natsuki was intensely curious about this enigmatic young woman who showed up out of nowhere at the castle a few days ago.

Natsuki cleared her throat and leaned forward. "So, um—" She was startled when the gorgeous brunette shushed her and made a gesture for Natsuki to listen.

Natsuki frowned and fell silent. She could hear nothing except for the high-pitched croaking of the frogs, swishing reeds, and...faint singing?

"_Sha-la-la-la-la-la my oh my, look at the girl too shy, she ain't gonna kiss the girl!_"

Natsuki groaned and hid her face to avoid looking at crimson eyes sparkling in amusement and delight.

"_Sha-la-la-la-la-la ain't that sad? Ain't it a shame, too bad, you gonna miss the girl—_"

Natsuki reached over the side of the boat and plunged her arm into the water to pull up a startled Nao by the snorkel. "Stop. Following. Us."

* * *

V.

Mai clutched her wand and chewed her lip in dismay. The pumpkin carriage had been stopped on the side of the road for a while now—evidently the newly married couple was lost on their way to their honeymoon cottage. She could hear raised voices coming from the carriage—trouble in paradise already?—as Natsuki and Shizuru argued over their next course of action. Of course, as Shizuru's fairy godmother, she could and should offer her assistance, but Shizuru had asked her for absolute privacy during the honeymoon. Mai had agreed, but now she was wondering if she should intervene before one of them demanded a divorce.

She brightened when the heated shouting suddenly cut off. Did they come to an agreement? She hoped so; the last sap she had fairy godmothered didn't turn out so well—

Mai spluttered when something smacked her in the face. What the—she ripped it off her face and held it up. She gaped at for 0.2 seconds before squealing and flinging it away from her like it was radioactive.

Now lying innocently on the ground, where Mai had flung it, was a lacy black bra.

Mai looked up just in time to avoid another object hurtling toward her. "Hey!" She scowled and picked up a glass slipper. Its counterpart soon followed, uncaringly tossed out the window of the pumpkin carriage.

Mai frowned. These had taken a fortune to make! She had half a mind to march up to that carriage and demand that they show more respect for her craft—

Light laughter floated in the air before turning into a moan. Mai faltered. She blushed violently when a second bra came flying out the window. When it was followed by a pair of panties, Mai abruptly turned around and flew away as fast as her wings could take her. Forget the slippers, she was done here—when the pumpkin carriage is a rockin', don't come a knockin.'

* * *

_...And they lived happily ever after. Or did they? –Dun-dun-dun!- (Cue ominous music and cynical author)_


End file.
